


When You Find You, Come Back to Me

by TheAvidReader_SometimesWriter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Slow Build, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-24 11:06:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6151636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvidReader_SometimesWriter/pseuds/TheAvidReader_SometimesWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Detective Lexa Woods is at the top of her game and she and the precinct are ready to testify against Roan, the son of Nia, the infamous leader of a gang called only the 'Ice Nation'. Things go awry when Lexa's long time girlfriend and resident 'Princess' of the precinct suddenly goes missing. With the 'Ice Nation' using Clarke to bind everyone's tongues the hunt is on. Flash forward six months and Clarke is found relatively unharmed. The only problem is, she doesn't know who she is, or why she can't remember anything. Why is it she knows the name of her savior? Will Clexa pull trough together? Or is the damage truly done? Modern AU Amnesia!Clarke & Cop!Lexa</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Warrior Goddess

Everything was in chaos around her. Gunshots rang out and echoed through the building, thankfully none of them close enough to her to cause concern.  
‘ _Not like I’d be able to get out of the way anyway_.’ She thought pulling halfheartedly at the ropes on her wrists and ankles. She didn’t know how long she’d been there for, or even who she was at this point. Then the fight entered her room and instantly she was captivated by the fierce warrior goddess in front of her, hacking viciously at one of her captors with a flash baton. The light from the Taser powered bar lit her face illuminating her deep and at this moment angry forest green eyes. Her brunette hair was pulled back into braids and the tag on her officer uniform read only “A. Woods”. When Woods seemed to be done with her captor she scan the room, her eyes settling on the captive, the anger in them instantly melted into relief. This woman looks familiar to the captive who watched with wide crystal blue eyes.  
“Clarke! Thank god you’re ok! I’m so sorry they took you... Let’s get you out of here.” Wood said softly, untying the captive, Clarke’s bindings. Only one word came to Clarkes mind and so it slipped from her lips.  
“L-Lexa…?” Clarke rasped, blacking out.  
When Clarke woke again she was somewhere completely different. The room was white and sterile looking and she was hooked up to a multitude of beeping and blinking machines.  
“Ah. You’re awake. That’s good. That’s really good. I’m Doctor Jackson. You’re at Polis memorial hospital. Can I ask you a few questions Ma’am?” A kind looking man in a lab coat asked. Wanting to trust him, Clarke nodded.  
“Ok. Just answer as honestly as you can alright?” He began. Clarke nodded.  
“Do you know your name?” Jackson asked.  
“Clarke.” She answered softly.  
“Good! That’s good! Clarke what, miss?” He seemed relieved. Clarke faltered. She couldn’t remember. She only assumed Clarke was her own name because of what the officer had called her when she’d been found.  
“I-I don’t know… I can’t remember…” Clarke admitted. Doctor Jackson seemed to frown slightly and scribbled something down on his clipboard.  
“That’s ok. Do you know how old you are? Or your birthday?” He continued. Clarke shook her head. She couldn’t remember anything except her name and the officer that rescued her. She’d seemed to know her.  
“Alright. I’ve got all I need for now. Are you in any pain? You didn’t look injured.” Doctor Jackson asked.  
“No. I’m ok.” Clarke told him, yawning.  
“Please rest, you’ll be free to leave when you wake up next.” Doctor Jackson told her, exiting the room. Clarke easily fell back asleep and woke up hours later unattached to the machines. As Doctor Jackson had said, she was free to leave and a uniformed officer waited down in the lobby for her. The tag on the woman’s uniform read, “A. Forest”. Her features were sharp and her brown eyes even more so but like the other officer she too looked familiar and her bladelike gaze softened when her eyes fell on Clarke.  
“Hey there. Would you mind coming back to the station with me? Jackson told explained your condition, but we need to ask you a few questions anyway.” Forest asked. Clarke hesitated.  
“I’m Anya. Anya Forest. My partner was the one who found you in the warehouse. Do you remember that?” Anya asked curiously.  
“Lexa..?” Clarke asked in return. Anya smiled slightly.  
“That’s her alright. That stubborn little shit is my partner. And my cousin.” Anya nodded. Clarke was quiet.  
“Please. It’s just a few things. We already have your captors locked away, you’re safe Clarke.” Anya promised. Clarke finally nodded and let Anya lead her to her cruiser parked in front of the hospital. Anya let her ride in the passenger seat and the ride was short and quiet. They arrived and precinct within minutes and Clarke followed Anya inside.  
“Here, just sit tight for a few minutes I have to grab some paper work. I’ll be back ok?” Anya instructed sitting Clarke down on a couch-like bench inside the precinct. Clarke nodded and Anya stalked off out of sight.  
“CLARKEOHMYGODIMSOGLADYOUREOK!” A young man ran up and hugged her. Clarke froze not recognizing him. His dark hair was short and his skin was tanned. His uniform was different from Lexa and Anya’s it was simpler and he had a bunch of computer looking stuff attached to his belt.  
“You have no idea, Lexa and everyone was so worried but then they found you and we’re all so relieved!” He rambled on. Clarke was quiet and listened politely.  
“Monty! Give the girl some room to breathe. She doesn’t know who you are!” A voice warned. The young man, Monty, froze as the owner of said voice approached. She was older than Clarke by a couple of years and wore a red leather jacket and tight brown jeans. She limped slightly and had a metal brace on her right leg. Around her neck were a pair of dog tags and a metal charm that looked like a paper crane. Her brown hair was tied back in a ponytail.  
“Raven…” Monty greeted. Clarke watched the pair confused.  
“Don’t mind him Clarke. That’s Monty, he works with me in the cybercrimes division. The name, though I’m not sure how you could be made to forget it, is Raven. Raven Rayes. I heard you had amnesia.” Raven introduced.  
“Amnesia? You didn’t know what I was talking about at all! Why didn’t you say anything?” Monty asked looking apologetic.  
“I…. You just seemed so happy and excited… I didn’t want to kill your buzz…” Clarke admitted shyly.  
“Don’t worry princess. You’ll get it all back. The doc said it may not be permanent.” A third voice joined in. it was deeper than the other two. Another young man came to stand near Raven. He was older than Monty and wore a uniform like Lexa and Anya. His tag read “B. Blake”. He had short dark hair and dark eyes. His face was serious and he stood with his stance wide and his arms crossed over his chest.  
“Princess?” Clarke asked in disbelief.  
“That’s been your nickname forever!” Raven laughed as Clarke pouted.  
“I’m Bellamy Blake. We’ve been friends for a long time. Raven and Monty too. We’re here for you if you need us, ok?” Bellamy told her. Clarke nodded.  
“Back off, you scrubs. Jackson said not to overwhelm her!” Anya called out joining the small group around Clarke, who was secretly thankful for her arrival.  
“Anya.” Bellamy greeted coolly. He stepped away and left the lobby.  
“Guess that’s our cue too, Monty. Before the commander loses her shit again.” Raven nodded and stepped away taking a reluctant looking Monty with her.  
“The commander?” Clarke asked confused. Anya rolled her eyes.  
“They mean Lexa. I don’t know how but that’s her nickname around here.” Anya told her, leading Clarke deeper into the precinct.  
“Clarke, I believe you know who this is.” Anya stopped in front of her desk gesturing at Lexa. Lexa stood up and moved to stand next to Anya.  
“I’m Alexandria Woods… I found you in the warehouse. We’ve been friends for a while. But you and everyone else either calls me ‘The Commander’ or –“  
“Lexa.” She was cut off by Clarke, who had lost her battle against the overwhelming urge to hug Lexa as tightly as she could, which, wasn’t very hard in her weakened state. Lexa froze as Clarke hugged her under her arms, her head under Lexa’s chin. After a few seconds she returned the embrace willing herself not to cry. Anya smirked watching the two. Clarke pulled away and looked up at her blushing and mumbling an apology.  
“I didn’t… I just kinda... I’m sorry. I don’t know you that wasn’t appropriate, I don’t know why I...” Clarke rambled nervously not able to meet Lexa’s gaze anymore.  
“No. It’s ok. We’re good friends. Even if you don’t remember, some part of you does apparently. You knew my name at the warehouse. The doctor doesn’t understand how but he says it’s a good sign.” Lexa tried to explain. Anya gave her a brief look of confusion and surprise. Clarke nodded.  
“Bellamy said he heard it shouldn’t be permanent.” Clarke agreed.  
“You remember Bellamy?” Lexa asked confused.  
“No, he, Monty, and Raven found Clarke out in the lobby while I was getting the papers.” Anya explained stepping in. A look of jealousy flashed across Lexa’s face before the mask came back down.  
“Thankfully Anya came back when she did…” Clarke added.  
“They crowded you?” Lexa asked, concerned.  
“It’s ok. I’m fine.” Clarke promised, not noticing that she’d put her hand on Lexa’s arm to soothe her. Lexa responded to the touch and seemed to calm.  
“Clarke, we’re going to talk to you in interview two, which is that door right over there, I just need a minute with Lexa and we’ll join you. You aren’t in trouble, so don’t be afraid ok?” Anya instructed, pointing out the door to Clarke, who nodded and went away. Anya turned back to face her partner and quickly led them into the lounge, locking the door and drawing the blinds as Lexa burst into tears.  
“Hey, easy now. Easy.” Anya soothed letting the crying girl hug her and sob into her shoulder.  
“She’s ok Anya… She’s ok…” Lexa sobbed.  
“Yes she is.” Anya agreed.  
“She doesn’t remember me…” Lexa continued to cry.  
“She does somewhere. She still reacts like the old Clarke, she just doesn’t realize it.” Anya comforted. She hated seeing Lexa weak like this. Her cousin had always been so strong but any once of strength was gone after the first week Clarke had been missing.  
“I can’t tell her… Not until she remembers…” Lexa sniffled.  
“That she’s your girlfriend?” Anya asked. Lexa nodded against her shoulder.  
“Ok. But she’s safe. She’s here. She’s in two and we shouldn’t keep her waiting. Chin up Commander, let’s get you cleaned up.” Anya said firmly. Lexa pulled away and wiped her face clean, wiping her puffy eyelids with a damp paper towel until thy looked normal again. Anya watched as Lexa set the steel in her eyes again and pulled herself together. They left the lounge and joined Clarke in interview two.  
“Hey. Sorry about that. Just cop stuff. Are you ready Clarke?” Anya asked as she and Lexa sat across the table from Clarke.  
“I’ll try to help if I can.” Clarke nodded.  
“We know who took you, and we know why, they’re locked away or dead so you have no need to fear, but what we’d like to know is if you can recall what they did to you while you were their captive.” Lexa explained. Clarke sat quietly trying to remember anything.  
“I… I’m sorry… It’s all blank… Before the gunshots and Lexa coming in like some sort of fantastic warrior goddess I don’t…” Clarke stopped as she realized what she’d said. More specifically, how she’d described Lexa. Lexa blushed and Anya smirked.  
“I thought not. Doctor Jackson wanted us to ask you to see if there was anything he could do to try and speed up your recovery. They drugged you up to screw with your memory and starved you but other that, physically you’re fine. You just need rest. And food.” Anya nodded.  
“Who was it..? And why..? What did I do?” Clarke asked desperately. Lexa and Anya looked at each other.  
“It was a gang. They call themselves the Ice Nation. Their leader Nia, her son is going to be sentenced soon. She was trying to twist our arm by using you as leverage to try and get some of our officers not to testify. Everyone here loves you Clarke. We were all so worried. They’ve had you for six months… We’ve had to postpone the sentencing hearing multiple times. Everyone was so worried… I was…” Lexa tried to explain. Clarke was quiet, processing the new information.  
“You’re free to go. The captain has cleared you. Lexa will be taking you home.” Anya finished, standing up and leaving the two of them alone.  
“Clarke… I’m so sorry… I didn’t think they’d take you…” Lexa nearly whimpered. Clarke stood from her seat and moved around the table to hug the girl.  
“It’s ok I think. Let’s go home Commander… I’m tired.” Clarke told her with a grin. Lexa nodded and rose from her chair. They left the interview room and Lexa grabbed her jacket on the way out of the precinct. Lexa drove them to an apartment complex and parked her cruiser.  
“Clarke, we’re roommates, but if you don’t want to be alone with a stranger its ok, I can find someplace else to stay while you figure things out.” Lexa explained, not getting out of the car. Clarke paused.  
“I… No. It’s ok. You live here too. And… I really don’t want to be alone… Unless you want to find someplace else to stay.” Clarke replied nervously.  
“No! I just want you to be comfortable so you can recover, you’ve been through so much…” Lexa started to ramble.  
‘ _She’s so cute…_ ’ Clarke thought before gently silencing Lexa with a touch on her arm and a smile when their eyes met.  
“Let’s go home…” Clarke said again. Lexa nodded and got out of the car. She led Clarke up three flights upstairs to a door that read “S13”. Lexa let them in and hung her coat by the door. She put her keys in the key dish in the kitchen and relaxed. She watched as Clarke explored the apartment, noting that Clarke had noticed the cellphone on the dining room table.  
“That’s yours. And the keys there. Those are the only things we found after you went missing.” Lexa told her. Clarke picked it up and looked at it, there were over a hundred missed calls and texts.  
“I don’t remember the passcode…” Clarke sighed.  
“It’s ok. I’m sure we can reset it. Are you hungry?” Lexa asked.  
“Starving…” Clarke admitted as her stomach let out a loud growl. Lexa smiled.  
“Ok. Here, this is the bathroom, you’ll feel better if you take a shower I think. And your room is this door here. Get cleaned up, get comfy and while you’re doing that I’ll make us something to eat ok?” Lexa suggested leading Clarke around the apartment.  
“Ok. How do you know if I’ll feel better after a shower?” Clarke asked.  
“You always used to say that showers made you feel better. Whenever you were stressed I’d hear the shower running as soon as you got home.” Lexa told her. Clarke nodded and took a towel from a closet Lexa had shown her and locked herself in the bathroom. Lexa returned to the kitchen, rooting through the fridge for ingredients. She was going to make Clarke’s favorite chicken parmesan meal. She hoped it might help Clarke feel more comfortable if not help her remember. Lexa started cooking, letting her mind wander as her body did the rest. She’d made this particular meal enough times to have it locked into her muscle memory. Lexa set the table as the sound of running water ceased and she heard a door open and close followed by another. Finally Clarke shuffled back out in to the kitchen/dining room area clad in fuzzy pajama pants and a baggy t-shirt.  
“I don’t know what that is but boy does it smell good.” She announced sitting at the table. Lexa couldn’t help but smile.  
“It is chicken parmesan. It was your favorite food.” Lexa told her. Clarke nodded and dug in, easily consuming 70% of the dish before Lexa had even completed her first plate.  
“Holy shit Lexa that was so good! Thank you!” Clarke purred once she was full.  
“It wasn’t a problem. Let me do the dishes.” Lexa shrugged picking up the plates and starting on the small pile of cookware and dishes that had piled up in the sink.  
“I can help.” Clarke suggested. Lexa looked at her for a long moment before sighing.  
“Ok Clarke. You can dry and organize them. I will put everything away.” Lexa decided. Clarke nodded looking determined and they began to clean. When everything was done and put away, the clock on the stove read 9:45 p.m.  
“We should go to bed. You need to rest and I have work early tomorrow.” Lexa suggested. Clarke nodded and started toward her room.  
“Lexa… Th-Thank you for dinner…” Clarke said shyly.  
“You’re welcome. Just promise you won’t tell anyone at the precinct I can cook.” Lexa pleaded.  
“Oh? Why?” Clarke asked looking amused.  
“They’ll never stop asking me to feed them…” Lexa muttered. Clarke laughed.  
“Ok. I promise. Goodnight Lexa.” Clarke said finally, disappearing down the hallway to her room. Lexa sighed, stretching her arms above her head. She yawned and retreated into her room, the guest room, and changed into a pair of pajama shorts and a light tank top. She settled into her bed, finally able to relax. Clarke was home. Clarke was safe. She’s never let anything happen to the girl she loved ever again. Lexa set her alarm and fell into a light sleep. Something woke her a few hours later and after a glance at the alarm clock it was just after midnight. It didn’t take Lexa long to figure out what had woken her, as Clarke was standing a few feet from the bed, afraid to wake Lexa. Her blond hair was ruffled and silent tears fell down her face.  
“Clarke, what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?” Lexa asked sleepily, rising from the bed. Clarke nodded and threw herself at her roommate who caught her in a hug and stroked her hair as she cried. When Clarke had calmed, Lexa spoke again.  
“Let’s go back to sleep. You can stay in here with me if that’s what you need.” Lexa suggested, guiding them to the bed. Clarke let Lexa lay down first before lying next to her and curling into her chest. Lexa wrapped her arms around the smaller girl and closed her eyes as she heard a muffled thank you against her chest. She hummed in response and the pair slept soundly for the rest of the night.


	2. The Princess Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's first day back at the pricinct

Lexa woke to the blaring of her alarm the next morning and sleepily glared at the offending object that read 7:30 a.m. She groaned and moved to get out of bed, halting in surprise at a whimper of protest from the bed’s other occupant. She laid back down, rewrapping her arms around the sleeping girl, briefly burying her face in the soft blonde curls.  
“Clarke…” Lexa began softly, eyeing the clock. She got no response.  
“Clarke, wake up…” Lexa tried again, sitting up and lightly shaking Clarke’s shoulder. That attempt earned her a sleepy groan as Clarke tried to curl into a ball.  
“Clarke, I have to go to work soon. If you want breakfast, you need to get up.” Lexa said firmly, shaking Clarke once more before standing and moving down the hall to the bathroom. Lexa showered and redid her intricate braids. She dried herself and donned her uniform, exiting the bathroom and finding her way to the kitchen to make herself, and hopefully Clarke, some form of breakfast. Settling for some eggs and bacon, Lexa began to cook, making a mental note to go food shopping at some point later. It was the smell of food that finally woke Clarke from her slumber, once again drawing her out into the dining room space. She shuffled to the table and slumped down into a chair as Lexa set the table, mumbling a sleepy thanks as a plate was placed in front of her. When both were done, Lexa cleaned and put away the dishes, but not before putting a steaming mug of coffee made the way Clarke had always liked it, in front of Clarke. The blonde seemed to hum happily as the hot liquid made its way past her tongue, savoring the taste and then taking another sip.  
“Are you awake yet?” Lexa asked good-naturedly.  
“Mm…” Clarke hummed in reply.  
“I’ll take that as a yes. I need to go to work. Would you like to come with me?” Lexa asked, smiling slightly. Clarke looked at her silently.  
“You don’t have to, it’s just a suggestion. No one minds you being there.” Lexa clarified becoming nervous.  
“There’s so much I don’t know… Don’t remember…” Clarke mumbled out of nowhere. Lexa sat down at the table.  
“You don’t have to be afraid to ask…” Lexa told her softly, bright green eyes meeting tired blue.  
“What’s my last name?” Clarke asked.  
“Griffin. You’re Clarke Griffin.” Lexa told her. Clarke sat silently for a moment.  
“I… How old am I? How old are you?” Clarke continued.  
“You’re 22. I’m 23.” Lexa replied. Again Clarke was silent.  
“How did we meet?” Was the next question, and it was Lexa’s turn to pause.  
“We… We met on a case. Someone broke into your old studio, where you used to live… I was the officer that responded to the call. The perp was a serial break in robber. We caught him and got you your stuff back. Since then you’ve hung out around the precinct and sometimes you help us out with cases. We’d gotten really close. Everyone at the precinct loves you Clarke… We were all so afraid…” Lexa broke off.  
“Can I really come with you to work?” Clarke wondered, watching her. Lexa nodded.  
“You’d be the safest there. With you safe that means the trial is back underway. Captain Jaha thinks they might try to take you again… You’ll be safe at the precinct.” Lexa nodded.  
“Ok.” Clarke nodded too and rose from her chair. Lexa waited as Clarke showered and dressed herself. The two loaded into Lexa’s cruiser and Lexa took them to the precinct, sitting Clarke down on the bench near the desk Lexa and Anya shared. Anya sat at said desk, typing at her computer, only noticing them once Lexa sat down on her designated side.  
“Well good morning to you too. What, no coffee for me this time?” Anya teased her partner. Lexa merely huffed as a response.  
“Woods. Forest. My office please.” A deeper voice said, as a dark skinned man poked his head out of the chief’s office. The pair looked at each other and stood from the desk, moving into chief Jaha’s office. Anya closed the door behind them.  
“Sir.” Lexa greeted respectfully, standing at attention.  
“How is Clarke?” He asked. Lexa relaxed and took a more casual stance.  
“She’s… Well. She needs to eat more and rest up but we’re working on that… Her memory...” Lexa hesitated.  
“Jackson said she should recover it over time. Until then we won’t be able to know what they could’ve done to her.” Anya picked up for her. Jaha nodded, seeming satisfied with their response.  
“As you know, the trial of Roan is back on, but I think they’ll try to strike at us, at Clarke again. Lexa, she’s secure with you but I want to give you both backup and a tail anyway. We can’t risk this happening again. I’m assigning Bellamy and Wells to be your protection detail.” Jaha announced. Lexa had to fight back the snarl that rose in her throat at the two names. Bellamy she could handle, though they disliked each other, they had a mutual respect. Wells however, was a different story. Wells was the captains’ son and was fresh out of the academy. He was a rookie if she’d ever seen one and on top of that he was always chatty and hyper. Long story short, the boy gave her a headache. She almost pitied Bellamy for having the misfortune of being the boy’s partner. Almost.  
“Sir, if I may, would Indra and Octavia not be a better choice? I mean no disrespect as Wells is your son, but he is as green as a cop can get, fresh out of the academy. I know Bellamy is one of our finest but I think assigning Wells is a mistake.” Anya countered, sensing her partner’s discomfort. She too had the same opinion of the boy.  
“Octavia too is fresh from the academy, if that was your point, it is flawed.” Jaha pointed out.  
“That’s true, but Octavia is a Blake. She’s just like Bellamy and she’s younger than me. If she’s as good as her brother now, she’s going to surpass him by his age. Let’s not forget she graduated top of her class in everything except public relations. That’s the only thing Wells beat her in. Her combat scores and marksmanship is off the charts. If it came down to a shootout or a fight, I’d much rather have Octavia at my back. As a comrade I have faith that she would survive that situation. I do not have that faith in Wells and none of us want to see him dead so young.” Lexa argued. Jaha gave her a hard look before shaking his head.  
“I’m staying with my call. Your protection detail will remain Bellamy and Wells. That is all.” Jaha said firmly. Lexa stomped out of the office followed by Anya who paused to look back at Jaha.  
“She only wanted to give him a chance.” Anya told him. Jaha looked at her confused.  
“A chance?” He asked.  
“To live. Lexa knows all too well what happens when someone isn’t ready for an assignment sir.” Anya reminded and exited the office, closing the door. Chief Jaha sat back in his chair.  
‘ _Costia._ ’ He thought, shaking his head.  
Outside, Lexa slumped down in her chair. Upset was too soft a word to describe how she felt right now. She looked over at Clarke who seemed to be chatting contently with Raven. Lexa ran her fingers over her braids and growled at the entrance of Bellamy and Wells. Lexa bristled as they approached Clarke, who hesitated at the new face. Anya put a firm hand on her partners forearm, getting her attention.  
“Easy Lex. Easy.” She warned in a low voice. Anya more than anyone was aware of her younger cousin’s protective streak. Lexa had always been a protector, even when they were kids. In school she’d shielded the younger students from some of the upperclassmen’s bullying. She’d gotten suspended once for breaking a kids nose while protecting an under the influence Anya. Anya flinched at the memory. High school had not been full of her best of decisions.  
“He’s going to get someone killed.” Lexa growled, not taking her eyes off the boy.  
“I want to say you’re right, but we need to obey the captains’ orders.” Anya reminded. Lexa huffed, rising from the desk and stalking over to Clarke and the others. Bellamy saw her coming and pulled a confused Wells away, using any excuse to leave.  
“Hey there ‘Commander’.” Raven greeted with a grin.  
“Raven.” Lexa nodded in acknowledgment.  
“I was going to steal the princess away for a while to chill with Monty and I in cybercrimes. Is that ok?” Raven asked cautiously as Monty joined them.  
“If Clarke wants to go.” Lexa replied. Monty grinned and led Clarke away, talking her ear off. Lexa watched them go, halting Raven with a strong grip on her forearm.  
“Don’t let her out of your sight… And tell Indra I’m borrowing Octavia for a bit.” Lexa growled softly.  
“She’ll be safe with Monty and I. We heard about the captains decision and I know you’re pissed Lexa. I’ll keep Bell and Wells clear of my station. I don’t want hatred being one of the first things Clarke remembers either.” Raven promised in a low voice. Lexa nodded and let her go. Raven put her smile back on and limped at an alarming speed after Monty and Clarke. Lexa watched her go fondly. She and Raven had gotten off to a rough start after Lexa and Anya had put her now ex-boyfriend behind bars. He was how she’d met Clarke. Finn Collins was a cheater and a serial break in robber. He’d been cheating with Clarke and Raven. Clarke and Raven hadn’t gotten along at first but they’d since grown into great friends. Lexa had a respect for Raven after seeing what she was capable of and had helped in getting Raven her job at the precinct. She’d watched as Raven had grown from a criminal hacker to the second in command of their new cyber-crimes division. Lexa moved back to sit across from Anya at their desk, only having to wait five minutes before Octavia appeared, eagerly scanning the floor for Lexa. Their eyes met and Lexa nodded toward the lounge. Octavia hurried toward the room and disappeared into it. Anya gave her a confused look after watching the entire exchange. Lexa rose from her desk and followed Octavia. She’s long since learned that the younger Blake sort of idolized her. Octavia was smaller than her brother but her eyes were just as intense. She wore her dark hair in braids similar to Lexa’s.  
“Commander.” Octavia greeted respectfully, but her eyes were brimming with excitement. Lexa never called for her just to say hello.  
“Octavia. How have you been?” Lexa began casually.  
“Indra’s been pushing me more but I can totally handle it. I’m going to be the best Blake around here!” Octavia promised with nothing but determination behind her words. Lexa fought back a smile but wasn’t able to completely stop the corners of her mouth from curling up slightly.  
“Good. I look forward to that. There is nowhere for you to go except up. How high? Well that’s up to you.” Lexa nodded, relaxing her stance. Though the girl was only four years her junior, she saw so much of herself in Octavia.  
“So what’s up Commander? I know you didn’t pull me from Indra to see how I’m doing.” Octavia pushed gently.  
“Clarkes back…” Lexa mumbled.  
“I know. I heard. But she’s got amnesia huh? Are you ok?” Octavia asked. Lexa nodded and tried to calm her mind to continue.  
“The captain assigned your brother… And Wells as her protection detail, we all think the Ice Nation is going to try and strike again. She isn’t safe yet, not until the trial is over and Roan is behind bars.” Lexa began.  
“Bell I can understand, he the best! But Wells? He sucks! What is Jaha thinking?” Octavia demanded.  
“I agree. I have little problem with Bellamy. But Wells is the weak link. He’s going to die or let someone else get killed and I won’t have that. Not again…” Lexa paused watching Octavia.  
“I asked for you and Indra instead but Jaha won’t have it. He thinks his son is the greatest thing but I disagree. Which brings me to why I called for you.” Lexa continued. Octavia stood at attention now, her eyes burning with determination.  
“I want you to be Clarke’s shadow. Where she goes, you go. I will take the fall out if the Chief tries to get to you. Hell I’ll pay you if I need to. But I don’t trust Wells, if it came down to a gun fight I’d want you at my back not him. I can’t lose Clarke. WE can’t lose Clarke. Not now. Not again.” Lexa growled.  
“You can count on me Lexa. I won’t let you down!” Octavia promised.  
“I know you won’t. You’re the best. Clarke is down in cyber with Raven and Monty. Pull Raven aside and let her know what’s up. I’ll speak to Indra, but I have a feeling she’ll approve, you are her best student.” Lexa told her. Octavia nodded and bolted to the door, pausing before going through it.  
“You know Commander, You basically run this place. Yeah Jaha’s chief but if it ever came down to it, everyone would follow you. You take care of us. You have for so long. Let us repay the favor sometime.” Octavia told her before disappearing. Lexa stood still, processing the new information.  
‘ _Would anyone really follow me..? I’m just a detective…_ ’ She wondered mentally as she returned to her desk. She looked up as Anya sat down across from her.  
“I spoke to Indra about your plan. I was hoping she would talk some sense into you, but she thinks it’s a great idea. Especially for Octavia.” Anya sighed.  
“I… We can’t lose her again…” Lexa mumbled.  
“I know kid. I know.” Anya comforted. When Lexa had regained her focus again they set about filling out some long overdue paper work in the computers.  
Clarke sat in the middle of a room filled with computers and monitors. Monty was excitedly showing her around and occasionally pulling up software and explaining it. She didn’t completely understand but he seemed to be having so much fun that she didn’t have the heart to tell him to slow down a little. Raven limped in and shut him down a bit, guiding the trio to her office-like cubicle on the other side of the room.  
“How was your first night at home Clarke?” Raven asked, sitting down.  
“I… It was good. I didn’t recognize my own room but I guess it’ll take time.” Clarke replied. Raven nodded and offered her a snack from the hidden compartment in her desk. Clarke’s eyes widened at the assortment of snack foods and took a bit to decide before taking a bag of Dorito’s and thanking Raven.  
“No problem Princess. Jackson said you’re undernourished anyway.” Raven shrugged, watching Clarke tear into the bag of chips. Despite being called princess, there had always been one aspect of Clarke that hadn’t fit the nickname. She was a vicious eater, Clarke always ate like a starved wolf instead of a princess. Raven was glad to see that hadn’t changed at all. Raven looked up as Octavia entered the cubicle.  
“Ray, can I talk to you for a second? In private?” Octavia asked.  
“Sure thing O. I’ll be right back you two, Clarke try not to eat all my Dorito’s but you can have more if you want.” Raven nodded, standing. She limped out of the space and led Octavia down the division.  
“What’s up O?” Raven asked.  
“The Commander gave me an assignment.” Octavia began. Raven’s eyes widened.  
“That’s cool, what is it?” Raven pushed.  
“She doesn’t trust Wells with Clarke’s life so I get to be her shadow. Where ever Clarke goes, I go. She told me to let you know what’s up but other than that I think we’re supposed to keep it on the dl.” Octavia continued. Raven nodded.  
“I can help you suit up. No worries. I’m going to put a Nano tracker on Clarke. I want to get one on Lexa and I’ll get you one too. Just in case.” Raven told her.  
“Thanks Ray! You’re the best!” Octavia squealed hugging her friend.  
“I know. Let’s go reintroduce you to Clarke.” Raven grinned and led them back to the cubicle.  
“Clarke, this is Bellamy’s baby sister and my best friend, Octavia Blake. She’s one of the best new officers. You and she were close before you went missing.” Raven introduced. Clarke stared at Octavia silently.  
“I… You look familiar…” Clarke began.  
“That’s good! This is a good start.” Raven exclaimed. Octavia smiled and joined the three sitting around Raven’s desk. The four sat chatting as the day ticked by.  
“Raven? I’m going to start fixing that loose panel now.” A boy said poking his head into the cubicle.  
“Ok. Thanks Jasper!” Raven called after him. Clarke looked at her confused.  
“Come on, I’ll show you.” Raven told her, standing and moving from the desk. Clarke and the others followed as Raven led them over to where Jasper was opening his tool box.  
“This panel here, has been loose for months and when the A.C. kicks in, it rattles like a motherfucker and it’s REALLY annoying.” Raven explained, gesturing at a metal plate that hung slightly crooked by the ceiling.  
“Don’t worry, it’ll be done in a jiffy, I just have to tighten a few screws.” Jasper said confidently, pulling the trigger of his electric drill for a second. Nothing could’ve prepared them for what happened next. At the noise Clarke startled and her eyes glassed as she ran. She ran as fast and far as she could, not knowing where she was going in her blind panic. Octavia tore after her but damn was Clarke fast.  
_’No nonono! NO!’_ Clarke screamed mentally, hearing nothing except screaming and the noise of a drill.  
Lexa and Anya looked up as some sort of commotion entered their work space. Lexa immediately stood up as she saw Clarke bolting from the stairs, but something was wrong. Something was very wrong as Octavia struggled to keep up with the panicked blonde. Lexa vaulted over two sets of desks until she was directly in Clarkes path. She easily caught the frightened girl and help her tight, murmuring comforts as she fought Lexa’s grip. Octavia caught up panting and looked at Lexa confused. Lexa simply shook her head and kept her hold on Clarke. She kept showering the girl with soft comforts and re-assurances, lightly running a hand up and down Clarkes back. After a couple minutes she felt Clarke stop fighting and simply cling to the front of her dark uniform, sobbing softly. Lexa slowly pulled Clarke with her as she inched toward the lounge. Octavia was smart enough to follow, not missing the glares Lexa sent towards Bellamy and Wells who had just arrived and hurried towards them.  
“Oktavia.” Was all Lexa had to growl in warning for the younger Blake to understand what Lexa wanted her to do. Lexa had assigned her the role of protector, so protect her is exactly what Octavia was going to do. She cut off her brother and Wells only access to the lounge where Lexa had disappeared with Clarke.  
“Bell, go away.” Octavia warned. Bellamy looked at her confused.  
“No can do little Blake, it’s our job to protect the princess.” Wells told her confidently.  
“Your ‘job’, begins as soon as Clarke leaves the precinct and not a moment sooner. Lexa has made it very VERY clear that they need a moment newbie.” Anya spat, appearing by Octavia’s side. Octavia nodded, thankful for Anya’s presence. The two didn’t always see eye to eye, but they had a respect for one another. Especially when their interests and end goals were the same. Seeing the two strong women standing as a united front, Bellamy knew to pick his battles and stood down. Anya out ranked him and Octavia was his baby sister, but she could also kick his ass.  
“Wells, stand down. Let’s go. They seem to have this under control and Anya’s correct. We don’t start until Clarke leaves the precinct.” Bellamy told his partner. Octavia gave him a thankful look.  
“No! We’re her friends too! We have the same rights!” Wells argued standing firm.  
“You lost the right to call her Princess a long, long time ago daddy’s boy.” A new voice growled. Raven limped to Anya’s other side.  
“Go to Lexa and Clarke. I think we’ve got this.” Anya whispered to Octavia as Raven began laying into Wells. Octavia nodded and moved to knock gently at the locked lounge door.

“Easy Clarke… Breathe… You’re safe. I’m here…” Lexa comforted as Clarke cried into her chest. She rested her chin atop the soft blonde curls and waited, continuing trying to comfort Clarke. Soon the tears had stopped and the sobs had quieted.  
“I’m sorry…” Clarke sniffled against Lexa’s chest.  
“It’s ok Clarke, its ok.” Lexa hummed, still holding her as a gentle knock came from the door.  
“Commander, its Octavia…” The person outside the door said softly.  
“Clarke, is it ok for me to let her in?” Lexa asked quietly. She felt Clarke nod against her chest. Lexa unclipped the key from her belt and kicked it under the door to Octavia. The door opened slowly and Octavia slipped into the room, closing and locking the door as softly as she could. She handed the key back to Lexa and stood silently.  
“Oc-Octavia…” Clarke sniffed, pulling away from Lexa. She remembered the girl now. They’d been best friends.  
“Hey there Princess.” Octavia greeted softly with a smile.  
“I r-remember you…” Clarke said starting to cry again. Octavia looked to Lexa for permission, earning a nod, before embracing Clarke.  
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Clarke sobbed into her shoulder repeatedly.  
“No no. Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything worthy of an apology.” Octavia told her firmly. Lexa waited patiently, rubbing Clarke’s shoulders, mouthing a thankyou at Octavia. Clarke calmed again and pulled away from her friend, moving to tuck herself back under Lexa’s arm. She didn’t know why, but it just felt safe to be close to Lexa, to be wrapped up in Lexa’s arms.  
“Are you ok Clarke?” Lexa asked confused. She let Clarke pull her arm over the blonde’s shoulders. Not trusting her words, Clarke nodded.  
“What happened?” Lexa asked, turning her attention to Octavia.  
“We were down in cyber with Raven and Monty and Jasper stopped by to fix that loose panel Raven’s been bitching about for months. The drill he was going to use went off and Clarke freaked.” Octavia explained.  
“What happened Skai Prisa?” Lexa rumbled softly, her eyes filled with concern.

_“Skai Prisa?” Clarke asked in disbelief._   
_“Yes.” Lexa huffed firmly._   
_“Why?” Clarke had asked confused._   
_“Everyone calls you princess. But… I’m not everyone. Not anymore… I just wanted something more… Ours I guess. It means Sky Princess in that language you found on the internet. What’s it called?” Lexa tried to remember._   
_“Trigedasleng. And why Sky Princess?” Clarke replied curiously._   
_“Because of your eyes. They are more beautiful than any sky I’ve seen. Fitting for the Skai Prisa.” Lexa admitted softly._   
_“Alright, Heda.” Clarke giggled playfully._   
_“Heda?” Lexa asked, it was her turn to be confused._   
_“It means commander. I wanted something more ours too.” Clarke explained, blushing._

“Heda…” Clarke mumbled, coming back from her flash back. Lexa’s eyes widened in shock.  
“Clarke…?” Lexa asked confused.  
“You… You called me sky princess because of my eyes..?” Clarke asked, recounting the flashback. Lexa grinned sheepishly and nodded.  
“You two are such saps.” Octavia smirked, rolling her eyes.  
“So what happened Klark?” Lexa asked again.  
“I… The drill… There was screaming… I couldn’t…” Clarke tried to explain, the words not coming the way she wanted.  
“Ok. It’s ok. You’re safe here Skai Prisa. The bad is gone.” Lexa promised. Clarke nodded and yawned, feeling exhaustion crash down on her like a tidal wave.  
“Come on Princess, I know a safe place to sleep.” Octavia told her, taking Clarke’s hand. Lexa raised an eyebrow.  
“In Lincolns’ office. He never minds as long as you’re quiet.” Octavia shared.  
“Lincoln…?” Clarke asked tiredly.  
“He’s the head coroner. He’s my partner/mentor Indra’s son. He’s sweet.” Octavia told her, leading Clarke away. Lexa sighed and stepped out of the lounge as well. She stopped as she walked into the almost empty hall to see Anya and Raven locked in a fierce make out session.  
“AW EWW! Come on guys!” Lexa groaned. The two either were too busy to hear her, or ignored her completely. Regardless, Lexa didn’t want to know which and hurried away in the other direction. She sat back down at her desk and tried to focus on work. A few minutes later, Raven and Anya left the hallway together. Lexa didn’t miss the looks they gave each other, or how Anya straightened her uniform slightly as she walked. There was a grin plastered to the older woman’s face as she sat down across from Lexa and a matching smirk on Ravens as she disappeared back toward the cyber-crimes division.  
“Have a fun time did you?” Lexa teased.  
“I… She was just so strong… She really tore into Wells, I just…” Anya trialed off and Lexa left her alone. After an hour or so, Lexa rose from her desk and went to retrieve Clarke and Octavia.  
“Clarke, it’s time to go home.” Lexa said softly, shaking Clarkes shoulder. The girl lay sprawled out on the couch in Lincolns’ office. Lincoln and Octavia simply watched as Lexa tried and failed to wake Clarke.  
“Ugh. Fine.” Lexa sighed and rolled up her sleeves. She scooped Clarke up in her arms and strode from the office with Octavia in tow. When they got to Lexa’s cruiser, the detective laid Clarke in the back seat and tucked her in a blanket, which had been pulled from the trunk.  
“Passenger seat Octavia.” Was Lexa’s only instruction as she stood and closed the back door, moving to the driver’s side and getting in.  
“You still keep a blanket in the trunk?” Octavia asked softly, as Lexa started the car. Lexa nodded.  
“Not everyone that ends up in my back seat is a trouble maker, or someone going to jail, you of all people should know that.” Lexa told her, starting to drive.

_‘Octavia had screamed and cried for help as her mother’s newest boyfriend beat her, landing blows to her face and body. She’d watched in horror, in too much pain to move as he’d undone his belt and started on his pants with every intention of raping her. Suddenly his weight was gone and bright green eyes watched her with concern. Octavia saw Indra and Anya wrestling her abuser into handcuffs._  
_“Come on, let’s go outside ok? I’m officer Woods.” Lexa had introduced, extending a hand down to Octavia. Octavia had taken it and let officer Woods help her to one of the four police cruisers outside. She sat Octavia in the back seat, and pulled a soft blanket from the trunk, wrapping it around the scared teen’s shoulders._  
_“You aren’t in trouble ma’am.” Lexa began._  
_“Octavia… M-My names Octavia… Octavia Blake…” Octavia had whispered, pulling the comfort of the blanket tighter around herself._  
_“Ok. Octavia, my name is Lexa Woods. Or officer Woods. You aren’t in any trouble. You’re safe now, but can I ask you a few questions?” Lexa had introduced. She was still new but she stuck to her training and made the victim in front of her feel secure._  
_“O-Ok…” Octavia had nodded._  
_“Alright. There is an ambulance on the way for you injuries, but nothing seems broken. Do you have any siblings? A brother by chance?” Lexa had informed her. Octavia nodded again._  
_“H-His name is Bell… Bellamy…” Octavia told her._  
_“Bellamy Blake?” Lexa asked._  
_“Y-yes...” Octavia had whimpered._  
_“Ok. I’m going to make a quick call ok?” Lexa told her. She moved to the front of the car and made a call into the cruisers talkie._  
_“He’s been notified, he’ll be here soon. Octavia? Who was that man?” Lexa asked gently._  
_“M-My mom’s new boyfriend… I… He…” Octavia wasn’t able to continue and broke down into sobs. Lexa held her and let her cry, asking no more questions. Bellamy had arrived just before the ambulance and was furious. He thanked Lexa for looking after his little sister who now refused to stray from Lexa’s side. Lexa rode with Octavia in the ambulance, letting Bellamy, a fellow officer, follow in her cruiser. After that day, Octavia had idolized Lexa and worked to be a cop just like Lexa and Bellamy.’_

“That was three years ago…” Octavia said softly. Lexa nodded.  
“You made me want to be a cop. To be able to help people and protect the ones who couldn’t protect themselves.” Octavia continued. Lexa smiled.  
“You’re going to be the best Octavia.” Lexa told her. Octavia nodded, helping Lexa get Clarke into the apartment once they’d parked. Octavia was thankful that Lexa had been there when she’d graduated from the police academy and that Lexa and Bellamy had pulled for Octavia to be stationed in their precinct.  
“Are you hungry?” Lexa asked. Octavia was one of the few people privy to Lexa’s culinary skills.  
“Kind of. What’s for dinner?” Octavia asked.  
“Pizza or Chinese? I’m too tired to cook tonight.” Lexa offered apologetically.  
“Pizza.” Octavia decided easily. Lexa nodded and picked up her cell phone to make the call. Minutes later three pizza’s arrived and Lexa offered Octavia a beer.  
“I’m twenty, and you’re a cop.” Octavia reminded looking, at Lexa confused.  
“We’re off duty and I won’t tell Bellamy if you won’t.” Lexa shrugged. Octavia took the bottle and the pair devoured the first two pies before waking up Clarke to help them with the third. Clarke fell back asleep at the table after the third pizza was gone.  
“I’m off to bed, Octavia, you have options as to where you sleep tonight and they are, 1) the couch, 2) the cruiser, keys are in the bowl, or 3) in the apartment to our left. That one’s mine too, keys are on the third hook from the door.” Lexa told her. Not questioning why Lexa needed a second apartment, she took the keys off the hook and moved next-door to sleep. Lexa scooped Clarke back up into her arms and carried her to her room, tucking her into bed. Lexa quietly shut the door before heading to her own room and getting ready to sleep too. She undid her braids and stripped out of her uniform, setting her alarm again before crawling into bed. She was asleep within minutes and both apartments were silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I personally have a lot of ships containing Raven. In this story, even if its not cannon, Raven is polyamorous. she has relationships with Bellamy, Anya, Octavia, and Wick (who you'll meet here later). Lincoln and Octavia are so going to be a thing but until then she does sometimes have a thing with Raven. All of Raven's lovers know about each other and they work together to share her time equally and leave her time to herself if she needs it. Also, I really hate Wells, so I'm going to make his character kind of cocky and annoying, sorry. I hope you stick around and I hope you've enjoyed it thus far.


	3. I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief message

So, this is from me, TheAvidReader_SometimesWriter. I just watched the latest episode of the 100 and my heart is gone. I can't stop crying. I don't think I can continue writing this anymore... It feels like such a lie now. I mean I understand why they did it but they did it so SO shittily... If you want me to try an continue, I will, message me with what you want me to do. But as of right now this fic is on halt for idk how long and I'm sorry. For all of my fellow Clexa fans, Yu gonplei ste odon. I'm so sorry.  
-Avid


	4. Trigger Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of Clarke's triggers come into play. Will Lexa be able to protect her from everything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... So I've decided to keep on writing this story. One of you lovely people told me that every sentence I write now is like a tribute to them, that it honors Lexa and her character as a whole so I'm going to keep on going. This chapter is a lot longer than the others but it's full of stuff, I hope you enjoy. Once again I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes.  
> -Avid

Lexa woke up and was unsurprised to find Clarke curled up next to her in bed. What did surprise her however, was the soft scent of fresh coffee wafting in gently from the kitchen area.  
_‘Clarke..?_ ’ Lexa wondered confused. There wasn’t any way the sleeping beauty next to her mysteriously gotten up and brewed coffee and then come and curled up in bed. Sure the old Clarke might have, but this Clarke was weak and shy. She still has so far tom come in her recovery. Lexa yawned quietly and grabbed her gun, stealthily leaving the room and inching silently down the hall way, her years of training taking over her muscles. Lexa slipped into the dining room area and laid eyes on the intruder. A mass of dark hair greeted her as the intruder had their back to Lexa. Deciding on a warning, Lexa cocked her gun with a loud click.  
“Jesus Christ Commander!” Octavia exclaimed, whipping around to face her, surprised.  
“Oktavia…?” Lexa asked confused. Then the night previous flooded back to her and she lowered her weapon, sighing.  
“I’m sorry.” She grumbled, putting the pistol’s safety on and tucking it into her waist-band.  
“Good morning to you too Commander grump.” Octavia huffed, setting a steaming mug of coffee on the counter in front of Lexa.  
“Thanks.” Lexa huffed, taking a sip of the scalding liquid.  
“So this is what the mighty Commander looks like without her war braids eh?” Octavia teased. Lexa ran her fingers through her silken soft hair.  
“They pull horribly if I forget to take them out.” She shrugged.  
“So what’s for breakfast boss?” Octavia asked, her stomach growling.  
“Pancakes or French toast?” Lexa asked in return.  
“French fucking toast please!” Octavia exclaimed excited. Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the younger girl’s energy. Lexa set about making breakfast, listening to Octavia babble on about one thing or another as she cooked. A different softer noise drew Lexa’s attention from both the pan in front of her and Octavia’s voice. It was a small distressed whimpering noise. Reacting immediately, Lexa raced from the kitchen and into her bedroom where she found Clarke squirming and whimpering, obviously distressed. Lexa could tell she was still very much asleep but moved over to the bed regardless. She sat and gently eased the squirming girl into her arms. Lexa murmured comforts, trying to reassure Clarke that she was there. After a minute in the embrace, Clarke began to calm and still, her brows becoming less and less furrowed with bad thoughts. Lexa set her back down on the bed and stood to return to the kitchen when the squirming and whimpering resumed. Again Lexa sat down and calmed the sleeping blonde and again she moved away to return to making breakfast when it began for a third time.  
‘ _She’s reacting to me..?_ ’ Lexa tried to understand. This time she calmed Clarke and wrapped her in one of the sheets before scooping her up with one arm like a giant infant. Lexa strode back to the kitchen and continued making French toast one handed. Octavia was wise enough to hold her tongue and simply watched the two with a smirk. Lexa sighed and set plates down at the table for herself and Octavia and sat down setting Clarke on her lap and eating.  
“Where are the boys? I’m sure you were able to locate them already.” Lexa asked between bites.  
“They’re camped out across the way. Bells asleep and Wells is supposed to be on watch but he’s snoozing away too. Amateurs.” Octavia shrugged. She raised an eye brow as a devious grin lit up Lexa’s face.  
“I think we should give them a good morning call they won’t soon forget O.” Lexa suggested.  
“Oh I am soo in on this! What are we going to do?” Octavia asked excited.  
“I have a couple pistols with blanks in them.” Lexa shrugged, letting the younger girl’s mind do the rest.  
“That is evil!” Octavia cackled.  
“I also have two paintball pistols too.” Lexa added thoughtfully. Octavia looked at her confused.  
“Here’s what we’re going to do O,” Lexa began. Lexa’s plan was pretty brilliant, albeit a tad evil.  
“Clarke…” Lexa cooed softly. Clarke’s eyelids twitched slightly.  
“Clarke sweetie... It’s time to wake up.” Lexa urged, shaking the girl in her lap. Clarke groaned and sat up, getting to her feet sleepily.  
“Here.” Octavia said, gently pushing a mug of coffee into Clarke’s hands. Clarke sipped her coffee before waking up enough to look at the other two.  
“Hey Clarke.” Octavia chirruped happily.  
“Morning Clarke.” Lexa acknowledged.  
“You’re in for a treat today.” Octavia winked.  
“A treat..?” Clarke looked to Lexa confused. Lexa quickly explained their plan.  
“This I have to see.” She giggled. Lexa dug out a pair of noise canceling earmuffs and a third paint gun pistol.  
“What are those for?” Clarke asked confused.  
“The pistol is in case you want to get a few shots in. The cancelers are for the noise. I don’t know if gunshots are going to trigger you and I don’t want to take that risk. I don’t want your mind to hurt you right now.” Lexa explained.  
“Thankyou…” Clarke nodded. The trio crept across the way after Octavia had checked again and reconfirmed both cops were asleep. Lexa and Octavia rechecked their vests before nodding at each other. Octavia took a few steps back as Lexa kicked open the door with a loud slam and fired off the blanks, successfully startling the boys out of their sleep. She backed away as Octavia slid into the room on her back and fired a few rounds of paintballs, every shot hitting one of the boys who both fell to the ground with their hands on their chests. The room was dark and both felt the reddish looking paint on their chests and palms and assumed the worst.  
“I-I’ve been hit!” Bellamy exclaimed.  
“They… They got me too!” Wells howled. Unable to contain their laughter, Lexa and Octavia turned on the lights, allowing the boys to see not only their assailants, but also the pink pain that now stained their uniforms and palms.  
“O? What the fuck?! This isn’t funny!” Bellamy growled confused.  
“Yeah! What the fuck guys?” Wells agreed.  
“If we had been someone after Clarke you two would be dead right now. Never fall asleep on watch.” Lexa growled her gaze directed at Wells.  
“You WHAT?!” Bellamy growled looked at his partner furiously. Wells remained silent.  
“Welp. See you at work!” Octavia cackled and shut the door as she, Lexa and Clarke trooped back to Lexa’s apartment.  
“Are you ok?” Lexa asked turning to Clarke who was wheezing from laughing so hard.  
“Y-Yeah. That was… That was fucking hilarious!” Clarke giggled, trying to form a coherent sentence. Lexa grinned nodding. She Octavia high-fived and got ready for work.  
“Do you want to come with us again?” Lexa asked Clarke as she finished her braids. Clarke nodded. She didn’t feel ready to face everyone at the precinct again but she really didn’t want to be far away from Lexa. Lexa made her feel safe and it was beginning to infuriate her that she didn’t know why.  
“Can… Can I stay with you?” Clarke asked slowly, looking at Lexa as they all stood by the door.  
“If that’s what you need.” Lexa nodded her mouth curving up at the corners as she fought back a smile. Clarke nodded.  
“I’ll always be nearby Clarke. If anyone bugs or upsets you, point ‘em out and I’ll take care of it.” Octavia promised confidently.  
“Okay O.” Clarke grinned at her friend.  
“The Captain and Bellamy don’t know, but I’ve appointed Octavia as your guard. Wherever you go, she’s going to shadow you. I don’t trust Wells not to fuck thins up and Octavia is one of the best.” Lexa informed her. Octavia glowed at the praise.  
“O-Okay...” Clarke nodded. The trio left the apartment and trouped down to Lexa’s cruiser. Lexa sat down behind the steering wheel as Clarke slid into the passenger seat. Octavia contently sprawled out in the backseat, getting comfortable. Lexa drove them to the precinct and parked outside. The three exited the car and entered the precinct, Clarke followed Lexa and Octavia followed Clarke but from a comfortable distance. Lexa sat down at her desk, pointing out the chair at the end of the desk put specifically for Clarke, to Clarke. Lexa was surprised that Anya wasn’t already at her desk, but she had a hunch after what she’d seen yesterday. Sure enough, her suspicion was confirmed as Anya shuffled toward their desk an hour later having just arrived to work.  
“You’re late Ahn.” Lexa noted, eyeing the array of dark bruises peppering Anya’s neck. Anya gave her and look and sat down.  
“Have a fun night with a certain cyber cop?” Lexa teased, grinning.  
“Shuddap.” Anya growled, crossing her arms indignantly.  
“I know you have a thing for strong girls but damn! Not only are you late to work, but she also made a leopard out of you! You big softy.” Lexa cackled. She wasn’t about to let this go.  
“Shut it! Are they really that bad..?” Anya lowered her head to speak softly, a blush painting her features. Lexa nodded giggling.  
“Clarke?” Anya asked.  
“They’re uh… Well… How do I put this delicately? Darker than a Raven’s feathers?” Clarke grinned. Anya’s eyes widened in horror at the realization that even the amnesiac knew what was up.  
“That fucking…” Anya grumbled stalking away in the general direction of the cyber-crimes division.  
“Raven has her so whipped. She has all of them so whipped.” Lexa sighed smirking.  
“All of them?” Clarke asked confused.  
“Raven is polyamorous. She loves multiple people at the same time. Anya is one of them. And Bellamy. And the head of her department. I think his name is Wick or something ridicules like that. She and Octavia have had flings before too. All of her lovers know about each other. They have a schedule so they all get the same amount of time with her. She’s different, but she’s an understanding lover…” Lexa trailed off. Clarke felt a prickle of jealousy at what she thought Lexa’s words implied. Lexa was quiet and Clarke watched contently as Lexa entered data into her computer.  
“Lex… Lex I’m hungry… Can we go get lunch?” Clarke asked softly after a few hours. Lexa looked up at the clock that to her surprise read, 1 p.m.  
“Alright.” Lexa agreed, rising from her desk and grabbing her jacket. Clarke was on her heels as they walked to the cruiser. Like the morning, Lexa sat in the driver’s seat and Clarke in the passenger but Octavia was nowhere to be found. Lexa scanned the garage confused.  
“Anya and I are taking the stealth SUV.” Octavia’s voice came through the com system of the cruiser. Lexa nodded as an unmarked black SUV rolled up behind them. Anya was driving and Octavia bounced happily in the passenger seat. Lexa led the way with the SUV following at a safe distance to their favorite café, Le Resistance, near the heart of the city, eight blocks down from the precinct.  
“Good afternoon!” The dark haired girl behind the counter greeted them. She wore a neat white apron over her red and white polka-dot blouse and worn blue jeans.  
“Hey there Maya.” Lexa greeted.  
“The usual seats for you guys?” Maya asked.  
“Yes please.” Anya nodded. Maya led them through the small café to a table near the only one of the three windows that faced the park.  
“Wow.” Clarke paused, taking in the view. Lexa smiled, watching her.  
“So what can I get you guys? Your usual? Or are you gonna mix it up on me today?” Maya asked with a smile. Everyone at the table nodded but Clarke hesitated.  
“Oh, Clarke… Jasper told me about your condition… Do you want a minute to peruse the menu?” Maya asked kindly.  
“Do… Do I have a usual too?” Clarke asked slowly.  
“Of course! You’re a regular here like everyone else!” Maya exclaimed.  
“Then just give me that. Maybe it’ll help me remember something?” Clarke decided.  
“Of course. It’ll be a few minutes’ guys but I’ll get you all your drinks in the meantime.” Maya nodded and walked back towards the counter.  
“So you had a fun night.” Octavia tease eyeing Anya’s neck. Anya blushed again in embarrassment.  
“I told her not to bite…” Anya grumbled. Octavia laughed.  
“You should know by now you can’t tell Raven what to do. She’s a wild animal. A force of nature. Especially so in bed.” Octavia grinned. Anya grumbled more that neither Clarke nor Lexa could understand. Maya returned with a tray laden with drinks. She put an iced tea in front of Anya, a can of monster near Octavia, a hard looking lemonade in front of Lexa and a simple glass of water with a lemon slice in front of Clarke before walking away to deal with another group of customers who had just entered the café. Everyone sipped their drinks as Anya and Octavia argued about their drinks to one another. Lexa simply watched the two and Clarke stared out the window.  
“Do you have a pen?” She asked Lexa softly. Lexa looked at her confused but nodded and pulled a silver fountain pen from one of her many pockets. Clarke mumbled a thanks and began to sketch the park on a napkin. She was almost done with the detail work when their food arrived. Anya picked daintily at her salad, still fuming at Octavia. Octavia crunched happily on some sort of taco and Lexa dug into something that she’d only described as an “Everything on the farm sandwich” when Clarke had asked her what on earth she was eating. Clarke took a few cautious bites of her chicken and cheese pita, or at least that’s what she assumed it was, before digging into her meal with a ferocity that rivaled Lexa’s own. It wasn’t long later that the four of them had finished their meals. Maya brought the check and Lexa and Anya fought over who was going to pay. Clarke sat by awkwardly and Octavia looked on amused. Finally the two settled and they rose to leave. It was when they were outside of the café that all hell seemed to break loose. From nowhere, a mob of reporters and camera men and women appeared, ambushing them on the side walk.  
“Ms. Griffin! Ms. Griffin!” One yelled.  
“Is it true you have amnesia?” Another pushed, thrusting a microphone into Clarkes face.  
“What happened in your six month captivity?” A third called out.  
“Does your mother know you’re ok?”  
“What does she have to say?”  
“Have you seen her since your release?”  
“Where do you stand on the Roan case?”  
Clarke was overwhelmed. Lights flashed in her eyes and there was nothing but noise. She felt her breathing hit and everything seemed to be in slow motion. Anya and Octavia pushed between the reporters and Clarke, quickly joined by Bellamy and Wells, both of their uniforms still pink in some places. Clarke felt Lexa pull her away from everything and down an alley way, guiding her around the various twists and sharp curves until they hit a dead end. Clarke felt like she couldn’t breathe and her eyes watered with tears. It was too much for her. Lexa recognized the signs of a panic attack instantly and pulled Clarke against her chest.  
“Clarke, you’re safe. I’m here. We’re alone. Breathe with me. Breathe.” Lexa soothed, taking deep breaths. Clarkes breathing was still erratic and she shook in Lexa’s hold.  
“Oh Clarke… I’m so sorry… I didn’t think they’d find you this soon… Breathe Skai Prisa… Please… My beautiful Skai Prisa… Breathe with me...” Lexa begged, apologizing softly and internally cursing the damn reporters. After almost five minutes, Clarke was finally able to match her breathing to Lexa’s and relaxed.  
“Thank you Lexa…” Clarke murmured.  
“Shh…” Lexa hummed, listening.  
“Lex, what were they talking about? Who’s my mom..?” Clarke asked confused. Lexa sighed, choosing her words carefully.  
“Your mother is Abigale Griffin, the head surgeon at Polis medical Centre… She’s the best of the best… Your mother would’ve exploited your condition to make you into the daughter she wanted… You two don’t get along… Not since your father, Jake Griffin passed away a few years back… I don’t think you two ever got along honestly but… She wanted you to be like her and go into pre-med. Which you did… But you hated it… You fell in love with your art instead. She didn’t approve of your choices in education… OR your sexuality… We’ve kept her in the dark. She knows you’re safe and that you’ve been recovered, but not where. Or your condition. We did it to protect you… You asked us to...” Lexa explained softly. Clarke heard shouting matches in her head. The other voice sounded older than she was.  
“What… What happened to my dad..?” Clarke asked.  
“Your dad was your best friend. That’s how you used to describe him. You said he’d gotten into a bad car accident… That he died in the hospital… That your mom couldn’t save him.” Lexa told her. Clarke nodded trying to take everything in.  
“My sexuality..? What didn’t she agree with?” Clark wondered, looking up at Lexa.  
“You told her you were Bi. You like Men and Women. She want you to be straight.” Lexa muttered. She could see Clarke’s eyes burn with anger.  
“Love is love.” She growled. Lexa chuckled.  
“I know Skai Prisa. That’s what you always used to say.” Lexa nodded. Clarke was silent, leaning against Lexa’s chest comfortably.  
“Heda…?” Clarke asked softly.  
“Sha, Skai Prisa?” Lexa asked in return.  
“Are they gone…?” Clarke wondered.  
“I don’t know… One of the others will probably radio in when it’s safe to come out… But we aren’t far from the precinct. We could walk there pretty much unnoticed if we wanted. If you’re ready.” Lexa admitted, watching Clarke’s reaction. Clarke moved to hide under Lexa’s arm, in her side.  
“Fear not. I won’t leave your side Clarke. I swear it.” Lexa promised, pressing a kiss to the top of Clarke’s head reassuringly.  
“I trust you…” Clarke mumbled. Lexa wrapped part of her long trench coat around Clarke’s shoulders, keeping her arm firmly across Clarke’s shoulders as well. She was in protector mode now, as she led them through the alleys. As soon as they were in front of the precinct, they hurried inside, not slowing down until they got to Lexa’s desk. Lexa took off her jacket and let Clarke keep it draped around her shoulders as she entered Chief Jaha’s office and explained the situation. She exited the office again as he began making phone calls, looking furious. Not long later, the others returned, Octavia tossed Lexa the keys to her cruiser, having obviously driven it back to the precinct in her stead.  
“There’s no way I was trusting her with the SUV.” Anya explained briefly. Lexa could only nod. There’s no way in hell she would ever let Octavia drive anything larger than the cruiser either.  
“So what happened?” Lexa asked.  
“We got the damn reporters to bug off but it took an unnecessary amount of time… The… Well… The only thing is… I don’t know how long we have until-“Anya was cut off by the doors of the precinct slamming open.  
“She gets here…” She finished lamely. Abby Griffin had entered the building like a whirlwind.  
“Clarke, that’s your mother. Do you trust me? Because we need to move you right now.” Lexa asked urgently. Clarke nodded, eyes wide.  
“Ok. Go with Octavia into the lounge. Close all the blinds and lock the door. Bell will stand guard. DO NOT come back out until I come and get you? Do you understand?” Lexa asked in a low growl. Clarke nodded and rushed away keeping low to the floor with Octavia as her heels. They did as Lexa had instructed and drew the blinds. Bellamy got the hint and moved casually in front of the door as Abby Griffin swept by. She glared daggers at Lexa before storming into Chief Jaha’s office. The precinct was silent as muffled shouting came from Jaha’s office.  
“What do we do Commander?” Raven asked softly. Wick stood just behind her, listening.  
“Ok guys, we need to hide Clarke. That lounge won’t be safe for long. Wick, Raven, can we stash her down in cyber for a while?” Lexa asked.  
“Of course commander.” Wick nodded with a grin.  
“Ok. If Abby chances by there, have Octavia move them to Lincoln’s office, he’ll know what to do. He can hide them.” Lexa instructed. Everyone nodded.  
“If the chief comes after anyone, I’ll take that fall, but for now we need to protect Clarke and hide her. Am I clear?” Lexa asked. Everyone nodded again looking determined.  
“Ok. I’ll get them to move. Here we go. Wait until I give the all clear to stop.” Lexa ordered. She moved past Bellamy who nodded and knocked on the door.  
“It’s me.” She hissed. Octavia opened the door and Lexa quickly explained what was going on. Clarke and Octavia hurried to follow Wick to their next hiding place. Lexa shut the lounge door again and heard it click locked. Bellamy stayed where he was, knowing his role as a decoy. Lexa was barely able to sit down at her desk again as Abby stormed back out of the office followed by Jaha, who looked exhausted.  
“Where is Clarke?” Jaha asked no one in particular.  
“She’s in the lounge with Octavia.” Wells told him. Every set of eyes on the floor glared daggers at Wells, including Bellamy as they now knew who the rat was. Chief Jaha and Abby moved towards the door Bellamy stood firmly in front of. Wells followed not far behind them.  
“Stand aside detective Blake.” Jaha ordered.  
“I’m sorry sir. No can do.” Bellamy told him impassively.  
“And why is that son?” Jaha asked.  
“I’m simply doing my job. I’ve been assigned as part of Clarke’s protection detail.” Bellamy replied.  
“Stand aside. There is nothing here to protect her from.” Jaha demanded. Bellamy remained still, eyeing Abby warily. He caught Lexa’s eye and she gave a subtle nod. With a sigh, Bellamy stood aside. Jaha unlocked the lounge door and found it empty. He and Abby looked at Wells.  
“I… They were in here! I saw them go in here!” Wells defended adamantly.  
“Then we search the precinct.” Jaha decided. Lexa waited at her desk with Anya, hoping her plan would work.  
Monty raced back to Wick and the girls as he saw Chief Jaha and Abby approach the hall way to the cyber-crimes division.  
“They’re coming! Their coming!” Monty warned.  
“How long do we have?” Wick hissed.  
“I’d say five minutes tops!” Monty answered.  
“Lexa said to head down to Lincoln’s office. She said he knows what to do.” Wick told Octavia. Octavia nodded and grabbed Clarke’s wrist, leading her in the opposite direction of her mother and Chief Jaha.  
“Wait! Take this!” Wick exclaimed handing Octavia a small tablet like device. Octavia pocketed it and dragged Clarke away.  
“Lincoln!” Octavia hissed into his office.  
“Hey you two? What’s up?” Lincoln asked confused.  
“We need to hide. Like now. Lexa told us you know what to do.” Octavia explained. His eyes widened and he nodded.  
“Follow me.” Lincoln said firmly as he led them into the slab room.  
“Here, hop in.” He told them, opening one of the many doors on the walls.  
“There had better not be a body in there.” Octavia grumbled. Lincoln grinned.  
“No Ma’am, it’s a deluxe slab, it fits two. If I can stand up in there, so can you two. Now get in and hush.” Lincoln urged. Octavia and Clarke reluctantly climbed into the hole. The space became pitch black as Lincoln shut and bolted the hatch.  
“We’ll this ought to be fun.” Octavia sighed. She pulled out the device Wick had hurried to give her and examined it.  
“Here.” Octavia whispered, handing Clarke an ear com. The tablet device showed them the security feeds throughout the precinct.  
“Commander, this is Gona one, do you copy?” Octavia asked softly into the com. On the cams they saw Lexa react instantly and her voice came through in their ear pieces.  
“Gona one this is Commander, loud and clear. What’s your position? Over.” Lexa asked. Clarke pulled Lexa’s coat tighter around her.  
“We’re in the deluxe, Wick gave us the monitor, over.” Octavia replied.  
“Where is the Chief? Over.” Lexa asked. Octavia paused, scanning the cams for Jaha.  
“Chief and Abby are still in cyber but they’re bound to be coming this way soon, I’ll let you know as soon as they move, over.” Octavia relayed back.  
“Understood, over and out Gona one.” Lexa nodded.  
“Heda… This is Skai Prisa, I trust you but what’s going on?” Clarke asked confused.  
“Prisa… Your mother is here to take you from us. She wants to do exactly as I told you. You told me to protect you from her before you were taken. You asked all of us to protect you. So we are. You can trust me Klark. I will never leave your side again.” Lexa tried to explain. There was a radio silence as Clarke tried to remember.  
“Do you trust me Skai Prisa?” Lexa asked softly into the com.  
“With my life… But I don’t know why…” Clarke replied in a whisper. Octavia rubbed her shoulders comfortingly.  
“That’s ok Klark… All in good time my Prisa.” Lexa soothed.  
“Commander, they’re going to be here in 10, radio silence.” Octavia hisses into the mics as the deep voice of Jaha and the angry voice of Abby Griffin entered the morgue. Clarke and Octavia watched the morgue room in the cams to see exactly where Jaha and Abby were. They were speaking to Lincoln at the moment.  
“Sir, you’re free to check each slab but I can assure you, there are no living bodies in here except my own.” They heard Lincoln say.  
“That remains to be seen.” Abby hissed. Octavia and Clarke heard slab doors open and close as slabs rolled in and out, presumably being checked. The two sat down and Octavia tucked away the tablet as the doors grew closer.  
“Sir, I’m afraid I can’t allow you to open that one, it is still under quarantine from the power plant pick up the other day. The quarantine is in effect until next week. That particular slab is in a radiation-proof seal layer. I’ll have to put the entire precinct in lock down and call the hazmat team if you open that sir.” Lincoln warned as Jaha moved to open the deluxe slab. Jaha looked at the paper work on the slab door which backed up the man’s story. Jaha shivered at the memory of the power plant dump.  
“He’s correct Abby.” Jaha nodded.  
“But what if he’s lying? What if Clarke is hiding in this one?” Abby demanded. Jaha sighed.  
“Lincoln, do you have a bone drill?” Jaha asked.  
“Y-Yes sir? It’s in my office. Why?” Lincoln asked confused.  
“Go get it for me please.” Jaha instructed. Lincoln didn’t like where this was going.  
“Oh shit…” Octavia muttered. She pulled Clarke into her shoulder and chest to cover her mouth and both of her ears as much as possible. Clarke immediately understood and clung to Octavia.  
“A bone drill, Thelonious? What is that going to do?” Abby demanded.  
“Your daughter has a trigger. The drill’s sound. If she is in there she will immediately react and we will know. If not then I’m just making a drill buzz a few times for no reason.” Jaha explained. Lincoln came back with the tool and showed Jaha how to make it do what he wanted.  
“If it gets really bad, you can bite me if you have to but you have to stay quiet.” Octavia said in less than a whisper. Clarke nodded as best she could. Then the drill went off. Octavia’s hands were clamped as tight as possible over Clarke’s ears to try and block out as much of the noise as possible. Jaha paused for a second as if listening and Octavia’s hand moved slightly. Then the noise began again and Clarke silently began to struggle against her friend. Jaha stopped and listened, setting the drill down.  
“See? Nothing. Clarke isn’t here Abby. I don’t know where they could’ve possible hid her but she isn’t here. You should go now and I’ll call you when I know more.” Jaha promised, thanking Lincoln and leading Abby away. As soon as they were clear of the morgue, Octavia radioed Lexa. They needed her help, and fast. Lexa, Anya, and Bellamy raced down to the morgue as soon as Abby had left the precinct. Lincoln met them at the door and opened the deluxe slab, letting Octavia who held tightly a struggling Clarke see light again.  
“Give her here O…” Lexa said softly. Octavia released her hold on Clarke who flew out of the space, directly into Lexa who caught her and held her tightly, murmuring comforts and trying to get her to breathe correctly.  
“I’m here, Clarke. I’m here. You’re ok. Nothing is going to hurt you. I promise.” Lexa tried to comfort her.  
“They’re killing them… They’re killing… They have them…” Clarke sobbed.  
“Who has who Clarke?” Lexa asked softly.  
“The mountain men… They have them…. They’re killing them… I can hear the screams…” Clarke howled squirming more.  
“Mountain men..?” Lincoln asked confused.  
“Y-you don’t think she means…”Anya began.  
“Shh… Shh… Let’s let her calm down first.” Lexa ordered. She slowly led Clarke into Lincoln’s office, holding her close until her breathing began to slow to a more regular pattern.  
“Clarke?” Lexa asked softly.  
“L-Lexa…” Clarke sniffled.  
“I’m here Skai Prisa… Will you tell me what you saw?” Lexa pressed softly.  
“Th-the mountain men… That’s what they called them… I-I think the Ice Nation is working with the Mountain Men… They said something about needing marrow… Drilling for marrow… and then the screams…” Clarke cut off as another panic attack hit her.  
“Ok. No more. You’re safe. Breathe with me Clarke…” Lexa soothed. It took a few minutes but Clarke calmed again.  
“Are you ok?” Lexa asked. Clarke shook her head not trusting her words.  
“Ok.” Lexa nodded, keeping a protective arm over Clarke’s shoulders as they returned to the others.  
“Octavia, please get Clarke to the cruiser, we’re going home.” Lexa instructed, her heart aching at the frightened whimper Clarke emitted as Octavia gently pried her from Lexa. When the two were gone she turned to Bellamy. Clarke said the Mountain Men are working with the Ice Nation.” Lexa began.  
“You don’t think she means Mount Weather Pharmaceuticals do you..?” Bellamy asked cautiously.  
“I don’t think there are any other ‘Mountain Men’ around. But that is a matter for tomorrow morning. Be my proxy with the chief please. And keep Wells as far away from Clarke as you can.” Lexa sighed turning to Anya. Anya nodded.  
“I’ll get Indra to fill the place on Clarke’s detail.” Bellamy decided, hurrying away. Lexa and Anya returned upstairs to the main floor after thanking Lincoln for his help. Lexa exited the precinct as Anya moved towards chief Jaha’s office.  
“O, you’re driving. Don’t kill us.” Lexa told her, tossing Octavia the keys and climbing in the back seat with Clarke, who quickly curled up against her.  
“Easy Clarke.” Lexa soothed. The ride felt longer than usual and Lexa hurried to get Clarke back into the apartment.  
“Your brother pulled Indra to take Wells place. I think we’re safe for tonight. You can do as you wish.” Lexa told Octavia.  
“I’ll bring it back in the morning, I swear!” Octavia promised, keeping the keys to the cruiser. Lexa sighed and nodded, closing and bolting the apartment door behind her.  
“Clarke, let’s get you into the shower… You’ll feel better after a shower Hun…” Lexa pushed softly. Clarke nodded and disappeared into the bathroom for half an hour. Lexa sat beside the bathroom door listening to the water run. Clarke emerged in pajamas and let Lexa dry her hair. She waited for Lexa to undo her own braids before collapsing down into Lexa’s bed.  
“Tell me what you need Skai Prisa…” Lexa murmured.  
“Lay with me…” Clarke begged. Lexa did as she was asked and pulled Clarke close, letting the girl tuck into her chest.  
“What now Skai Prisa?” Lexa continued.  
“Protect me Heda…” Clarke mumbled. She fell asleep within minutes.  
“Always Klark… I… I love you…” Lexa whispered, falling asleep herself.


	5. Flash forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A busy morning indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a little fast and it does move forward a bit. I think we're nearing the end of this tale but we'll see. I have another fic in the works but we'll have to see how that goes. Thank you all for reading, you guys are so great.  
> \- Avid

_“Klark… I love you…”_ Clarke heard from a distance. The voice was familiar but she didn’t immediately recognize it. A scene appeared from the depths of her mind and played before her eyes.  
_Lexa was down on one knee with a small box in her hand. A simple but beautiful ring sat comfortably inside the little black box._  
 _“Will you marry me?” Lexa asked, waiting for a reply. Clarke watched confused, unable to process as the scene faded out as quickly as it came._  
Clarke woke up slightly, extremely confused. She cuddled into Lexa more, who’s arms wrapped tighter around her.  
“’M here Clarke…” Lexa mumbled sleepily, not opening her eyes.  
“I know Lex…” Clarke whispered, adjusting so she could see her protector’s face. Without thinking, Clarke leaned in and gently pressed a kiss to Lexa’s lips. A smile curled across the sleeping girl’s face and she emitted an adorable purring noise. A deep blush burned Clarke’s cheeks as she wondered why she’d done that.  
‘ _What the hell Griffin?!_ ’ She screamed mentally. Somehow, Clarke managed to fall back asleep though, she didn’t remember when. When she woke up next, Lexa was gone and the space she’d been laying in was cold. With a yawn, Clarke rose from the bed, taking one or two of the sheets with her in search of the detective. Clarke found her in the kitchen, standing with her back to Clarke as she cooked what Clarke assumed to be breakfast. Trying to be stealthy, Clarke rushed up behind Lexa and wrapped her arms playfully around her hips.  
“Skai Prisa.” Lexa greeted, unsurprised. Even wide awake, Clarke had always had the stealth capacity of a dead cat.  
“Hi.” Clarke yawned. She moved to sit at the table and waited patiently for Lexa to finish cooking and even helped her set the table. As the two sat down to eat, a shouting match just outside their door stopped them. Both stood and Clark picked up a knife from the table, holding it cautiously with the flat of the blade against the inside of her wrist. She moved closer to Lexa, who had her hand hovering over her pistol which was tucked snugly into the waistband of her sweatpants. Lexa whipped out her service weapon and clicked the safety off at the same instant the door to the apartment nearly flew off its hinges. Abby, Wells, Bellamy and Octavia all entered the room. Lexa felt Clarke brush against her back, hiding behind her.  
“What the hell is going on?!” Lexa demanded, keeping her gun trained on the four.  
“Abby wants to take Clarke.” Octavia growled, moving to stand on Lexa’s right.  
“She’s my daughter! I’m her legal guardian, what I say goes!” Abby snarled.  
“I tried to stop them, I swear. I’ll fix your door.” Bellamy promised apologetically, moving to see the damage on the door. Lexa nodded appreciatively.  
“And you probably led her here right?” Lexa sighed, looking at Wells.  
“I-“ Wells began.  
“Hush. I don’t care. Abigale, Clarke isn’t going with you, she’s staying here. In her home. Our home.” Lexa said firmly.  
“You have no right…” Abby began angrily.  
“You have no right. Clarke’s 22. She’s an adult and she was cleared as rational enough to make her own decisions.” Octavia cut her off.  
“Let Clarke decide. If she wants to go with you, I’ll respect her decision. If not I’m asking you to respect that decision as well.” Lexa suggested. Abby, for once, was silent and all eyes fell to Clarke.  
“Clarke? Where would you like to go?” Lexa asked impassively, trying to move Clarke out from behind her.  
“H-Here…” Clarke mumbled, snaking her arms around Lexa’s hips.  
“Please don’t make me leave…” Clarke begged, resting her forehead against the center of Lexa’s back.  
“Ok.” Lexa nodded, rubbing soft circles on Clarke’s wrists with her thumbs.  
“She wants to remain here.” Lexa repeated to Abby, knowing she’d heard Clarke’s words.  
“You’ve turned her against me! You’ve brainwashed her!” Abby shouted angrily, moving towards Lexa.  
“I’ve done nothing of the sort.” Lexa snorted, amused.  
“Clarke should go with Abby. She isn’t well enough to make these kinds of decisions!” Wells argued.  
“Jackson cleared her you jackass. She wouldn’t have been let out without a guardian if she wasn’t well enough to make her own decisions. You just want to get back in her pants you prick!” Octavia growled, moving to stand between Lexa and Wells/Abby.  
“What..?” Clarke asked confused.  
“Octavia!” Lexa warned.  
“Sorry Commander…” Octavia replied, lowering her head.  
“I need to ask you to leave now. Or I will press charges for your breaking and entering stunt.” Lexa said coolly, tucking her gun back into the waist band of her pants.  
“Lexa..?” Clarke asked, still confused.  
“We were engaged…” Wells began.  
“Don’t just leave it at that. Tell Clarke the truth.” Octavia hissed. Wells was silent.  
“He cheated on you. He broke your heart. Then you dated Finn, who was cheating with you, though you didn’t know it, and stole from you. That’s how you and Raven met. But you two worked it out. Then you met Lexa and everyone at the precinct.” Octavia picked up for him.  
“I didn’t mean it!” Wells whined.  
“Why didn’t you tell me..?” Clarke asked, looking at Lexa.  
“I didn’t want your first recovered memory to be one so full of hatred…” Lexa told her softly.  
“You protect me… You’re safe…” Clarke nodded.  
“So you’re going to choose Officer Dyke over your own family?” Abby demanded.  
“That’s rude, mother.” Clarke growled defensively.  
“It’s true. Wells can make you happy. You two can lead normal life!” Abby exclaimed.  
“Wells hurt me.” Clarke stated.  
“What about Lexa laying with Raven while you were missing?” Wells demanded.  
“Why should that bug me?” Clarke asked confused.  
“OH, I DON’T KNOW. MAYBE BECAUSE SHE’S YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND?” Wells exploded. Lexa froze. She could hear the world begin to shatter around her.  
“She’s… She’s my… What..?” Clarke asked even more confused.  
“Bloody girlfriend. That’s what.” Wells huffed. The room was silent. Octavia watched Lexa, concerned.  
“I never slept with Raven. Never. Not once, you can ask her. I wasn’t able to sleep alone… Raven and Anya would lay down with me and listen to me if I needed it so I could sleep…” Lexa admitted softly. Again there was a silence. Bellamy took the opportunity to push Abby and Wells from the room. Octavia followed them out, leaving Lexa and Clarke alone in the apartment.  
“Lexa?” Clarke asked softly.  
“Yes?” Lexa replied, unable to look at the blonde.  
“Is everything they said true..?” Clarke asked. Lexa only nodded.  
“You’re… Why didn’t you tell me?” Clarke demanded.  
“I wanted you to recover at your own pace. I didn’t want to throw that at you immediately… I wanted to wait for you to remember. Or if you were unable to remember, then relearn that you loved me… That I love you… Love is not something you rush or force. It just happens…” Lexa tried to explain.  
“Y-You love me?” Clarke asked, blushing.  
“With all my heart… Skai Prisa… I vowed to protect you until the day I die… But I failed… I failed you Clarke… I…” Lexa dropped to her knee’s starting to cry. She cursed herself internally, not wanting Clarke to see her this weak and pathetic. To her surprise, Clarke came over and pulled Lexa into her arms.  
“Shh… Sh… It’s ok. You didn’t fail me Heda. It’s ok.” Clarke soothed.  
“I l-let them take you… I c-c-couldn’t stop-p them…” Lexa sobbed harder.  
“That was outside of your control. You said they wanted to use me to hurt you… To hurt everyone. They failed. They failed. I’m right here, I’m with you. You are safe. I am safe. I promise Lexa…” Clarke told her firmly, continuing to comfort Lexa as she broke in Clarke’s arms. After a while, Lexa calmed again.  
“I’m sorry…” she mumbled softly.  
“No. It’s ok. You’ve probably been through a lot in the past six months Lex.” Clarke shook her head.  
“You have no idea…” Lexa chuckled. Clarke smiled.  
“Even though I don’t remember right now. It’s ok.” Clarke told her. Lexa nodded and pulled away, pushing to her feet. Gunshots outside the door, startled Lexa into action. She pushed Clarke behind her and was careful to keep clear of any windows as she pulled out her gun and crept towards the door.  
“Stay behind me Clarke.” Lexa ordered. She inched the door open, only to pull back in again as bullets peppered where she’d just been. Lexa readied herself and fired a few rounds at their attackers. She passed Clarke one of the paint pistols and told her to shoot. Clarke did as Lexa said and lit the men up with bright pink paint. They looked at her confused, giving Lexa time to put a few more rounds into them until they fell. She dashed over to Bellamy and Indra with Clarke on her heels.  
“What’s going on?” Lexa hissed.  
“Five attackers, all of them armed. We called for backup and an ambulance, Anya’s on her way. O and Wells are protecting Doctor Griffin. So far we’ve gotten three I think. Only two left.” Bellamy briefed. Lexa nodded.  
“Wells!” Abby shrieked. Lexa’s blood ran cold and she charged blindly at the remaining two attackers, felling them from behind. They didn’t even know what hit them. Wells was on the ground. There was blood blossoming from a wound on his chest. Abby was keeping pressure on it. Lexa heard herself say that and ambulance was on the way. She felt numb. In her mind Wells’s body was replaced with that of a young woman. Her hair and eyes were dark and her skin was well tanned. Her head hung limply to the side and her eyes were glazed over, blood spilled from the bullet hole in her chest staining her uniform.  
“Costia…” Lexa murmured. She felt arms wrap around her and pull her away. Clarke and Anya pulled Lexa from Wells body. He was gone by the time paramedics arrived. The only other injury was a slight graze on Indra’s are from a shot that hadn’t quite missed.  
“Lexa.” Anya tried, once they were back in the apartment. Lexa didn’t respond. Her eyes were lost somewhere in the distance but Anya knew exactly where she was.  
“Alexandria!” Anya snapped. Lexa looked at her, starting to come back.  
“This wasn’t your fault. We got them. This isn’t your fault.” Anya began. Lexa shook her head.  
“To bed. Now.” Anya pushed, moving to the kitchen and fishing a glass out of one of the cabinets. She filled it with water and disappeared down the hall, into the bathroom. She came back holding two pills.  
“Drink.” She ordered, handing Lexa the two pills and the glass of water. Lexa did as she was told and set the glass down on the table.  
“Good. Come on.” Anya continued briskly, leading Lexa into her room. She watched as Lexa tucked herself into the bed and waited until the medicine had knocked the girl out. She quietly left the room, closing the door behind her.  
“Anya..?” Clarke asked confused.  
“Lexa’s asleep. Please don’t wake her. I’ve seen her do this before. She’s going to start shutting down again. You’ve got to keep her going… Please…”Anya begged softly. Clarke nodded, still confused.  
“Stay here until I come back.” Anya instructed, leaving the apartment. Clarke set about clearing the now cold breakfast from the table and doing the dishes. She dried them but left them piled neatly on the counter, not knowing where they went. Anya returned a few minutes later with Raven and Octavia.  
“Clarke, I need you to come with me to the station. You aren’t in trouble but there are some things we need to take care of. Octavia and Raven will stay with Lexa in case she wakes up.” Anya told her. Raven opened her mouth to protest but closed it again at the look she was given by Anya.  
“Please try to get her to eat something when she wakes up.” Anya asked, moving back out of the apartment. Clarke followed her and ended up in the passenger seat of Anya’s cruiser.  
“What did you mean she’s done this before?” Clarke asked as Anya began to drive.  
“Back when Lex was still new to being a detective, she was assigned a rookie cop to show the ropes. Much like the arrangement between Octavia and Indra. Lexa did her best but she also ended up falling in love with the girl. Her name was Costia. Costia Crew. They dated briefly but were strictly professional at work. One day they took a call about an armed suspect in an abandoned warehouse. We get those pretty often and usually it’s just homeless folk who are just as confused as we are. But that night it was the real deal. They followed protocol to the tee but while they were clearing the building, the guy got the jump on Costia and put a round in her chest before she could even fire back. Lexa took him down but there was nothing she could do to save her. Costia was dead before the ambulance could arrive. The coroner said the bullet had punctured her lung on the way to her heart. She bled out. Lexa was never the same. It took a while for her to come back to work… She shut down. I fear she’ll do it again… But this time she has you.” Anya smiled slightly toward the end. Clarke was silent for the rest of the drive. Indra met them at the station, a white pad of gauze was around her bicep where they’d had to stitch up the graze.  
“Sky girl,” She greeted solemnly.  
“Indra. How is your arm?” Anya asked.  
“I’ve had worse. Are you ready?” Indra replied.  
“Ready?” Clarke asked confused.  
“We have to break the news to the Chief.” Anya told her. Clarke felt unease form in the pit of her stomach.  
“Come. We go.” Indra nodded, sweeping through the precinct doors. Anya and Clarke followed not far behind her. The trio walked right up to Chief Jaha’s office door and Indra knocked three times.  
“Enter.” Came the deep reply. Clarke took a deep breath as she followed Anya and Indra into the office.  
“Sir.” Anya greeted.  
“What happened?” Jaha asked, eyeing the gauze on Indra’s arm.  
“Ice Nation gunmen attacked Lexa’s apartment this morning.” Indra began.  
“Where is Lexa? Is she alright?” Jaha asked.  
“Yes sir. Lexa is currently indisposed but very much alive.” Anya replied. Jaha nodded looking relieved.  
“Five gunmen attacked the apartment, but we have six casualties…” Indra continued.  
“Six?” Jaha inquired.  
“Yes sir. The five gunmen and… One of our own… Sir.” Indra paused. The captain froze.  
“Chief… I’m so sorry… Wells… Was caught in the crossfire… He took a round to the chest and was gone before help could arrive… He was protecting Doctor Griffin…” Anya explained. Chief Jaha was silent.  
“No… Wells… Wells is at home… There’s no way… What was he doing there..?” The Chief asked in disbelief.  
“He led my mother to Lexa’s apartment. Despite both Blake’s attempts to stop them, they came into the apartment and verbally attacked Lexa and myself. Lexa asked them to leave and minutes later we heard gunshots outside the door. Lexa entered the shoot out and took out four of the attackers… But not before they got Wells.” Clarke explained. Chief Jaha was silent.  
“Th-Thank you for this information… If you could please leave now…” He tried to keep his voice steady.  
“Of course sir. I’m sorry for your loss.” Indra bowed her head and stepped out of the office. Anya and Clarke followed.  
“I’ll take you back to your apartment. Indra can handle things for now.” Anya told her, leading the way to the cruiser. The ride back to the apartment was silent aside from the gentle crackling of the cruisers com. Anya parked and Clarke led them to the door. The pair entered the apartment. Octavia was in the kitchen brewing a pot of coffee and Raven was nowhere to be seen.  
“Hey there.” Octavia greeted softly. Anya nodded in response.  
“Raven’s laying with Lexa, she was squirming and making noise like she was having a nightmare.” Octavia told them.  
“The contact comforts her. Lexa never had much human contact as a kid. Her parents weren’t very touchy feely. She only got that when she was at my house.” Anya explained to no one in particular, moving towards the hallway to Lexa’s room. Octavia came over and gave Clarke a long hug.  
“O..?” Clarke asked confused when it ended.  
“You looked like you could use a hug.” Octavia shrugged. Clarke simply nodded. Lexa woke up after a few hours and Anya pushed her into the bathroom to shower.  
“Don’t make me come in there after you, I’ve seen you naked before little cousin.” Anya warned as she closed the door. She sighed and entered the living room space to find Octavia sitting at the table with a mug of coffee and Clarke curled up sleeping on the couch.  
“You ok?” Anya asked the younger girl who simply nodded, taking a sip of her coffee. After a couple of minutes, Lexa re-immerged from the bathroom in a pair of shorts and a tank top. She still looked out of it, but more alert now. She scanned the living room instantly, her posture relaxing as her eyes fell on Clarke’s sleeping form.  
“Hey there.” Anya greeted softly, watching Lexa. Lexa glanced at her for a second or two but made no reply.  
“You need to have something to eat, Commander.” Octavia said firmly, moving towards the kitchen again. Lexa still was silent as she moved toward Clarke. She scooped the blonde up, cradling her in her arms and sat down on the couch. She buried her face in the soft blonde curls for comfort and sighed softly, gently squeezing Clarke. Clarke sleepily whimpered in protest as she felt herself be lifted by a strong pair of arms. Cracking her eyes open. She saw it was Lexa. She quieted and snuggled in closer to the older girl’s chest with a soft purr. Lexa harrumphed contently as she felt Clarke curl in closer to her. Feeling secure, Clarke went back to sleep, only to be woken a short while later by the angry growl that rumbled deep in Lexa’s chest as Anya moved to approach her.  
“Don’t you growl at me, Lexa. Use your words.” Anya said calmly.  
“Go away.” Lexa hissed, swelling angrily. She was overwhelmed by her protective instincts in her weakened state and didn’t care to try and fight them off.  
“Lexa…” Anya began, moving a step closer.  
“NO! GO!” Lexa snarled, pupils wide with fear as her breathing became erratic. Clarke opened her eyes after hearing the exchange and shifted her position to better help deal with Lexa’s panic attack.  
“Lex… Lexa, easy. Look at me.” Clarke ordered gently. Lexa let out a strangled whimper and met Clarke’s eyes.  
“You’re ok. I’m ok. I’m right here. Breathe with me.” Clarke soothed pressing against Lexa’s chest to allow her to feel Clarke’s breathing. Clarke stayed where she was as she felt Lexa wrap her arms around her and kept murmuring comforts and reassurances when Lexa burred her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck, trying to regain some aspect of control. When her breathing had calmed again, Lexa mumbled and apology, not lifting her head. Clarke stroked her hair, watching Anya and Octavia.  
“Where’s Raven?” Clarke asked, not seeing her in the room.  
“She’s asleep…” Came a muffled reply from her shoulder. Clarke slowly began to pull away, not missing the soft whimper that came from Lexa as she did.  
“It’s ok. I’m here. I’ll be right back.” Clarke promised, getting up and moving down the hall toward Lexa’s bedroom. Lexa looked up and saw Anya still standing nearby.  
“This one really fucked you up, didn’t it?” Anya asked softly. Lexa only nodded, not trusting her words.  
“Come here Lex.” Anya sighed. Lexa stood and shuffled over to her partner, allowing the older woman to pull her into a hug. Lexa wrapped her arms around Anya and cursed herself internally as she began to cry again.  
“It was my fault…” Lexa sobbed.  
“No. No it wasn’t Lex. There is nothing you could’ve done. You were right to have Octavia around.” Anya told her firmly.  
“If I’d been faster…” Lexa began weakly.  
“No. None of that. You did your best. You did nothing wrong Lexa.” Anya promised.  
“It really wasn’t your fault Commander. He couldn’t get the gun out of his holster at first. Then he couldn’t get the safety off and dropped it over the railing. Then he got hit.” Octavia told her. Lexa looked at her in teary eyed disbelief.  
“Are you serious?” Anya demanded. Octavia nodded.  
“I saw the whole thing between firing rounds.” Octavia explained.  
“What the fuck was the Chief thinking?” Anya shook her head in disgust.

Wells funeral was the following week. After it, Jaha stepped down as Chief of the precinct. A man from the police commission came and began as the temporary acting Chief until an actual chief could be appointed. His name was one Clarke found herself to be familiar with. Marcus Kane. Lexa was still seen as unfit for duty and Octavia had been assigned to see a psychologist but was quickly cleared. The shooting had little effect on her. Lexa rarely left the apartment and Clarke, Raven, and Anya took turns helping her through the days. At night it was always Clarke. Clarke would help undo her braids and then curl up with her in bed. Despite everything that had happened, Clarke was remembering a lot. She felt almost back to her old self as she helped take care of her girlfriend.  
“I love you Lex…” Clarke murmured one night a little after they’d laid down to sleep.  
“C-Clarke..?” Lexa asked, confused.  
“I remember… I’ve been getting a lot back… I love you Alexandria Woods.” Clarke purred, curling closer to Lexa’s chest.  
“God I’ve missed you.” Lexa whimpered, hugging Clarke tightly. Their lips met in a soft kiss that quickly melted into a fierce make out session. When they parted again Clarke erupted into a fit of giggles and Lexa wore a smirk.  
“What’s so funny Skai Prisa?” Lexa yawned.  
“You.” Clarke hummed. Lexa raised an eyebrow.  
“Me? What about me?” Lexa asked.  
“Everything.” Clarke purred contently, closing her eyes. Lexa huffed and pulled her close, closing her eyes to rest as well.


	6. Scars You Can't See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES EXTREME MENTIONS OF DEATH AND SELFHARM PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION.  
> Clarke remembers what happens while she was gone. It doesn't end well.

A week after Wells funeral, Lexa began to come back to herself. She was more alert, moving around the apartment without Anya or Raven’s urging. And she began cooking for herself and Clarke again. She still refused to touch or even really look at any of the guns she owned. Every time she did, she felt disgusted at their existence. She agreed to see a psychologist to try to get back to work and the woman cleared her for desk duty, but not much else. Everyone was patient with Lexa and soon she could get through her day without Anya or Ravens help. Clarke stayed by her side, but took care to hide the struggle she faced with her own demons. As she’d said, she was remembering a lot. That included her time in captivity, and it was those memories that haunted her the most.

‘ _Clarke was bound and gagged in some sort of warehouse. She was in a small room which she assumed to be a closet of sorts. She could hear muffled talking from outside as she flexed her wrists against the zip tie that bound her wrists. She felt her hands finally come free with a quiet pop as the tie finally snapped. She’d been working at it for days. Clarke removed her gag and took off her left shoe, opening the false sole. Inside was a small deconstructed pistol Lexa had had made along with the shoes. There was one on each. Clarke put the gun together, pulling a clip from her bra. Then she waited. When one of her captors had opened the door to feed her, she shot him dead center in the chest. The tray of food clattered to the ground. She quickly fled from the closet, dispatching the other guard in the room beyond. Thankfully for her, the small gun was almost silent because of its size. She took the two pistols from her attackers and tucked them in the waistband of her jeans before proceeding on. Moving into the next room she found it clear. Then she heard the screams and the sound of a drill. Clarke took a deep breath as she peeked into the next room. What she saw there made her sick to her stomach. There were at least thirty people chained by their wrists to the walls. But that wasn’t the worst part, no. The worst part was the person strapped to the table at the center of the room. Their face was pale and screams came from their mouth a figure in surgical attire, drilled into their shin. The drilling stopped and Clarke recognized that marrow was being drawn from the hole by a second figure in surgical attire. Then the drilling and the screams began again as the first figure started on the other leg. Clarke swallowed the bile that rose in her throat and scanned the room to assess the danger. She counted at least six armed guards with vests. Clarke tucked her pistol away and armed herself with the two from the fallen guards. She took a deep breath, clicking the safeties off before storming the room. She took two of the guards out with lucky head shots and wounded a third with a shot to the thigh. She tried to remember everything Lexa had taught her about gun fights as she continued on, doing her best to dodge bullets as she attacked the guards. Suddenly the only people left to attend to were the doctors. She felt no mercy as she shot them too. The people in the walls cowered away from her as she tried to free them with a key from a guard’s belt. She took one of their vests and a knife, which she tucked away. The people she’d freed didn’t speak any English at all. Their faces were gaunt and tear stained and their wrists were raw from pulling at their restraints for so long. Staying in front of them, Clarke moved through the building and they followed. They came to another room full of horrors not long later. It was a room full of people like the one’s she’d freed in cages. These people were in worse shape. They were skin and bones and only dressed in white wraps that covered their hips and for the women it covered their chests too. They watched her through the bars fearfully. Moving deeper into the room Clarke found something worse. A man hung upside down by his ankles, tubes running red liquid from his arms and chest. Clarke stomach turned as she realized he was being bled. These people were being treated like animals!_

_“What kind of sick freak would do this?” She wondered. Using the keys from the guards belt, she set about freeing these people too, as many as she could. Those who were too weak to stand were supported by others as Clarke led them on. Clarke was able to shoot every guard they came across until they came to a door. On the other side was an open room that led outside. The people rushed through it, running and rejoicing. To her horror, Clarke heard gun shots and watched as they were mowed down by bullets. Clarke took cover as bullets began to fly toward her too. She secured a position and began to return fire, hearing satisfying thuds as guards fell under her fire._

_“Enough!” A man’s voice called out. The gunfire ceased, and Clarke dared a peek over the crate she was sheltered behind. A neat looking man stood in front of a tight wall of guards. He wore a dark suit with a purple tie._

_“Toss your weapons aside Miss Griffin and stand with your hands behind your head please. I promise no one will shoot you, you’re far too valuable to kill.” The man called out. Clarke ignored him, firing off a few rounds towards his line of guards. She heard multiple pained grunts as many of her rounds hit their marks. When she peeked again she saw four of the guards on the ground with bullet wounds to their legs and lower bellies._

_“There is no need for such hostility Miss Griffin.” The man continued. It annoyed Clarke at how calm he was. Then she heard something get thrown in her direction and she ducked for cover as a metal canister the size of a soda can hit the floor a few feet away. It released a cloud of red smoke and Clarke blacked out. When she woke up again she was strapped to a table in a small room. A thick metal collar held her neck and head down to the table and leather straps were buckled tight across her elbows, wrists, stomach, knee’s and ankle’s. She bucked and squirmed, trying hard to free herself. The heavy metal door to the room slid open with a hiss and the man from before entered the room with two technicians. The first pulled Clarke’s head to the side while the second secured it with a leather strap. The man pulled a syringe containing a nasty looking red liquid from his jacket and removed the cover, flicking the needle a few times before gently pushing it into her neck. Clarke hissed and squirmed trying to get away as he pushed down the plunger._

_“Don’t worry, the first dose is always the worst.” He cooed, pulling it out when it was empty and applying a small swatch of gauze over the prick. Clarke was left alone again as the drug ran rampant through her system. She bucked and arced off the table as best she could, tensing and flexing her muscles, her head still tied to the side. Her mind was elsewhere in a drug induced wonderland that kept her unable to fight back as the man returned and shot her up again and again every few hours._

_It had been hours since her last dose and she could feel herself coming down. Her body hurt badly. She whined and squirmed in discomfort. The door opened again and she was let up. Clarke instantly crouched in a corner of the room, eyeing the man hostilely. Someone else was brought into the room. A man almost twice her size. He looked to be in as much pain as she was._

_“Only one.” The man in the suit cackled, setting the red filled needle down on the small stand next to where Clarke had been tied up. He pulled a small device out of his pocket and it released a shrill noise that caused Clarke and the other man to fall to the ground. He kept the noise on as he left the room, securing the door before turning it off and watching them through the window. Clarke shook her head clear. Her body hurt. The red would make it stop. She raced towards the needle but was knocked roughly to the side by the bigger man. She hissed angrily and charged at him, biting down hard on his jugular. She tightened her jaw and pulled, paying no mind as her mouth filled with warm coppery blood. She stepped away and watched the man bleed out, blood spurting from his neck. She spit out the chunk of flesh and uncapped the needle, sticking herself in the neck and slowly pushing the plunger, her eyes rolling back in pleasure as euphoria filled her body again and her pains disappeared. The shrill noise was back and she crumpled to the ground in pain as two technicians entered the room and removed the dead body. After that everything was a blur until Lexa had saved her. All Clarke could remember was killing.’_

 

Clarke snapped awake from the nightmare turned memory and pulled away from Lexa. All she could smell was the tang of blood. She left the bedroom and paced the apartment, her breathing coming out in ragged pants and her eyes glassy and tear filled. She retrieved a serrated knife from the kitchen and made small slashes on her wrists. She need the pain to stop. She didn’t want to remember. She didn’t hear Lexa call softly for her, nor did she hear the girl get out of bed and venture out into the dining room. All she felt were strong arms around her, restraining her, forcing the knife from her hands. Clarke howled in anguish, fighting the hold on her, suddenly overwhelmed with crippling fear.

Lexa held Clarke tightly, not understanding what was going on. She breathed slightly better once she’d gotten the knife from Clarke’s hands. The howl Clarke released caused Anya, Raven, and Octavia to rush in from where they’d been resting in the apartment next door. Clarke continued to fight Lexa’s grip, her breathing still erratic and her eyes were still distant, she had gone to a place Lexa couldn’t reach her in. Anya and the others reacted quickly. Raven snatched the bloody blade off the floor and threw it in the kitchen sink, blocking any entrance into the kitchen. Octavia ran to the bathroom and returned with gauze, medical tape, and peroxide, which she gave to Anya who nodded a thanks. Octavia moved to help Lexa adjust Clarke into a better position for them to help her. Clarke’s back was tight against Lexa’s front as Octavia helped her hold Clarke’s bloody wrists out away from her body so Anya could clean them. Raven came over with a small metal bowl before retreating back to block the kitchen. Holding Clarke’s wrists steady as she bucked and squirmed against Lexa and Octavia, Anya doused the slashes in the peroxide. Lexa winced at the pained snarl the rose up from Clarke’s throat and she fought harder. Anya quickly wrapped Clarke’s wrists with the gauze, securing the wraps with the medical tape and stepping away. Octavia stepped away too as Lexa wrestled Clarke to the ground. Clarke whined pitifully, her fight becoming less and less pinned under Lexa’s body. Finally she stilled and her head fell limply to the side, falling back unconscious. Lexa waited a minute or two to ensure this wasn’t some sort of trick before scooping Clarke up in her arms and rocking her gently.

“What the fuck was that?” Anya demanded.

“I-I don’t know… I woke up and she was gone… When I came out here she was already bleeding… I got the knife out of hands but she wasn’t responding to anything I said…” Lexa tried to explain. The others were silent, wondering what state of mind Clarke would be in when she came too again. Clarke woke up again after a few hours. Her head was groggy and full of mist and the first thing she felt was her body aching, especially her wrists. Then she felt strong protective arms around her and she snuggled against the body behind her.

“L-Lexa..?” Clarke rasped, struggling to open her eyes. She saw a concerned green pair fill with relief as she became more awake.

“Hey there Klark...” Lexa greeted softly. Clarke purred, cuddling against her more.

“How are you feeling?” Lexa asked gently. Clarke looked at her confused.

“I’m sore… Why what happened?” Clarke asked afraid. She saw the gauze on her wrists and quickly pulled away from Lexa, moving away from the couch she’d been laying on. Clarke’s back hit the wall of the apartment and suddenly she felt trapped. Her breathing hitched as she felt a panic attack begin, pushing her fight or flight reflex into over drive. Clarke jumped as Lexa stood from the couch and she pressed as far back into the wall as she could as she saw Lexa take a step towards her.

Lexa recognized the fear in Clarke’s eyes and stopped, opening her arms and waiting. Clarke fought to breathe whining softly as she fought herself.

_‘RUN! FLEE! HIDE! THEY’RE GOING TO HURT YOU!’_ Her brain screamed as she saw Anya, Raven and Octavia not too far away.

“Clarke…” Lexa called softly, not moving from where she stood. Clarke watched her with fearful blue eyes.

“Beja Clarke… I’m here… Let me protect you…” Lexa begged, not raising her voice from the soft pitch she had it at. She didn’t want to scare the blonde more.

‘Let me protect you.’ Lexa’s word echoed in her mind, crashing through her screaming thoughts like a tidal wave, quieting them. Clarke felt herself moving and then found herself clinging to Lexa, her arms wrapped firmly around the older girl’s midsection as if her life depended on it. Lexa gently brought her arms around Clarke, this time meeting no resistance.

“Protect me… Please protect me… I’m scared…” Clarke sobbed into Lexa’s chest, trembling in fear.

“Always Clarke. You’re here with me. I’m here. You are safe. I will protect you.” Lexa soothed, resting her chin atop Clarkes head as she waited for the girl to calm again. Anya, Raven, and Octavia watched on, letting Lexa calm Clarke again.

“You’re the only safe left...” Clarke cried, clinging tighter,

“What happened Clarke?” Lexa asked softly.

“I killed them… They’re dead because of me… I killed them… The maunon… They made me a monster…” Clarke whimpered.

“You’re not a monster Clarke. They can’t hurt you anymore.” Lexa promised. After a while, Clarke’s cried subsided and her grip on Lexa loosened to almost nothing. Lexa led Clarke back to the couch and sat her down, gently using the pads of her thumbs to wipe away the last of Clarke’s tears. Clarke whimpered pitifully as Lexa pulled away, her hands flying out and quickly capturing one of Lexa’s, holding it tightly.

“Please don’t leave me… They’ll come back… They’ll make me a monster again…” Clarke pleaded.

“I’m not going far Clarke… I just want to grab you some water, you cried so much, you need to stay hydrated or you’ll get sick.” Lexa explained gently. Clarke didn’t let go. Octavia got up from where she sat at the table and rummaged through the kitchen. She crushed up two pills and stirred them into a glass of water, bringing it over to Lexa who then handed it to Clarke. Clarke drained it and began to feel sleepy once more. She passed out on the couch letting go of Lexa’s hand. Lexa laid her down and tucked her in with a blanket.

“Whatever they did, it’s fucked her up bad.” Anya sighed.

“Especially now that she’s remembering…” Lexa agreed, stroking Clarke’s hair gently.

“What do we do…?” Octavia asked.

“We wait. It’s all we can do. She’ll tell us when she’s ready.” Raven answered, leaning against the kitchen counter. The apartment was silent again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the darkness of this chapter but its necessary for where I want to go with the plot. Clarke is scarred really bad from what they did. The mountain men turned her into a reaper but in this story they know how to turn her back too because they did. Thank you as always for reading. Stay safe my lovelies.  
> \- Avid


	7. Trial and Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial of Prince Roan

Clarke’s sleep was anything but peaceful. Though there were times where she was still, there were just as many where she squirmed and fought off invisible demons. Lexa was the only one who could calm her sleeping fits. It broke her heart to watch the blonde struggle and fight off demons Lexa couldn’t protect her from. The other three watched Lexa as she dealt with Clarke. Anya worried for both parties. This was going to be tougher than she’d thought. Clarke’s wounds ran deep. Raven would go over to Lexa every so often and offer her something to eat or drink. Sometimes Lexa would accept and offer a small thanks but other times she’d just shake her head, though she appreciated the attempts. Octavia watched Lexa. It was hard to see two of the strongest people she knew go through something this hard. She sat at the table quietly. Anya and Raven were replaced by Bellamy when they had to return to the precinct. The older Blake stood quietly, having been briefed at the door. Clarke finally woke again but was silent. Lexa smiled, seeing her awake again and promising she was safe. She kissed Clarke’s brow, relieved.

“Let’s go take a shower Clarke, you’ll feel better.” Lexa suggested. Clarke nodded, letting Lexa lead her into the bathroom. Lexa turned on the shower and turned away to let Clarke strip and enter the warm water. Once the curtain hid Clarke behind it, Lexa retrieved a towel and closed the lid of the toilet, sitting down and waiting. She was silent even when she heard sniffles from behind the curtain.

‘ _This is part of the process… Clarke needs to heal…’_ She told herself. Lexa averted her eyes again as Clarke stepped out of the shower, handing her a towel and letting her dry herself at her own pace. When Clarke was dry she let Lexa lead her to her bedroom and changed into a t-shirt and some baggy sweat pants. She still didn’t feel like herself as Lexa led her back out to the living room area.

“Are you hungry Clarke?” Lexa asked softly, watching her with concerned green eyes.

“No meat please…” Clarke replied in a whisper. Lexa instantly nodded and gently sat Clarke down at the table, moving into the kitchen to cook everyone something.

“Lexa, the trial of Roan… It resumes the week after next.” Bellamy gently reminded Lexa as she stood by the stove. Lexa paused in her cooking for a minute or so but said nothing in return. She set the table for four and everyone ate quietly.

For the next week, where ever Lexa went, Clarke followed. She was too afraid to be left by with her thoughts. When Lexa went to work, Clarke curled up on the bench at the end of the desk Lexa shared with Anya, not saying anything as she watched Lexa punch paperwork into the computer. Clarke had become very nonverbal, not trusting herself even to speak, still convinced there was a monster deep down inside of her. Lexa had no arguments, she believed firmly that the safest place for Clarke was by her side. The week after, as Bellamy had warned, the trial of ‘The Ice Prince’, Roan, had resumed. On Monday and Tuesday, Lexa, the Blake siblings, and Raven all testified with the evidence they’d found against the man. Monty had helped too but it had been a unanimous decision that he was too delicate to be put under the stress of a court room. He’d agreed and sat in the background with Clarke. It was on the third day of the trial that anything interesting happened. The jury presiding over the case had convened to decide the fate of the ‘Prince.’ There was a clatter as several metal canisters were launched into the room and Lexa reacted before her mind had time to process. She leapt the benches, managing to pull Monty and Clarke down to cover as the canisters began to release smoke with a deafening sound.

Lexa recovered and pulled out her weapon as an armed group of men stormed the room. Clarke recognized the man in the suit from her time in captivity and growled. She ran at him, attempting to tackle him to the ground but in her weakened state, failed and was simply caught in a firm hold.

“Hello again Clarke. I have something new for you.” He smirked, pulling out a small syringe and shooting her up. Clarke whined in pleasure at the high and he let her fall to her knees as the drug raced through her system.

“Keep them busy.” The man ordered his comrades. The high Clarke felt only lasted for a few minutes but the man was ready and met no resistance as he shot her up again.

“This is going to be easier than I thought.” He cackled. Their plan had been to extract Roan and retreat but he had a better idea now. His men were keeping the others in the room occupied as he ran his experiment. Clarke mewled at his feet as her fourth quick dose wore itself dry. She stuck her again and waited for the come down. Clarke’s body ached again and she whined looking up at him.

“Kill or be killed Clarke.” He told her. She looked around the room and attacked, understanding what it would take. The unforeseen issue was that she couldn’t see friend from foe and the blonde reaper attacked some of the enemies men first, killing them with a horrifying ease, none of the deaths clean. She needed to see red. She needed to see the blood.

“Cage!” Lexa snarled, recognizing the well-dressed CEO of Mount Weather Pharmaceuticals. They’d had suspicions that the mountain men were in cahoots with the ‘Ice Nation’, but were hard pressed to find any real evidence. She charged towards him, only to be tackled to the side by a quick moving force. Clarke growled, blood dripping from her mouth and covering her body, as she pinned Lexa beneath her.

“Clarke..?” Lexa asked confused. She heard Cage laugh and quickly noted the pricks at Clarke’s neck.

‘ _Clarke… Was this the monster they turned you into..?’_ Lexa wondered, trying to piece it all together. Clarke pinned her firmly to the ground, hesitantly trying to keep her there but not attacking like she had the others.

“What are you waiting for?! Don’t you want your next dose?!” Cage demanded, watching.

“Clarke, listen to me,” Lexa began. She could see a flicker of recognition in the bloodshot blue eyes above her. Clarke moved hesitantly, unsure of who to listen to her. She whined softly as more pain raced through her muscles.

“Kill her!” Cage ordered.

“Clarke, you aren’t a monster, whatever he did to you, this isn’t you!” Lexa told her firmly. Cage lost his patience and pulled out the small device from Clarke’s memories. A high pitch sound wave grounded Clarke, causing her fall sideways, curling up with her hands over her ears in pain. Cage pulled out his pistol and trained it point blank at Lexa’s chest. What he didn’t count on was Octavia tackling him to the ground before he could shoot. Cage was knocked unconscious and the noise ended. Clarke raced over to the limp form of the CEO and rooted through his pockets, finding the larger syringe of red first and sticking herself before anyone could stop her. She sighed happily as euphoria rocked her senses and she fell onto her back, lost in her high. Cage and his men were handcuffed and taken away. Bellamy had found one last small needle in Cage’s pocket and took it as evidence. Lexa scooped Clarke up into her arms and carried her to one of the ambulances that had been called. She cuffed Clarke’s hands and feet just in case she came down on the ride and one of the EMT’S quickly began tending to the bullet wound in her stomach.

Clarke hadn’t felt in in her desperation. Lexa and the man became concerned as Clarke’s face began to pale as they reached the hospital. It took a bit to get all of the blood off of her to figure out what was wrong. She’d been shot twice in the stomach and had a deep knife wound on her thigh. She was rushed into surgery and Lexa was left to wait with the others in the waiting area. Bellamy had given the doctors the syringe he’d gotten from cage and let them work. They waited in silence for hours, Octavia, Raven, and Anya all trying to comfort Lexa who paced the space. Finally a nurse allowed them into the blonde girl’s room. Clarke was asleep in the bed. Her wrists and ankles had been restrained as the doctors tried to figure out what she’d been shot up with. Tubes and wires ran from under her gown and there was a thick pad of gauze on her thigh.

Lexa sat down in the chair next to the bed, running her fingers through her braids.

“I should’ve stopped her from charging him… I should’ve moved quicker…” Lexa said softly. Anya listened as the nurse explained Clarke’s condition before she left.

“Lex, there’s nothing you could’ve done. You couldn’t have known Clarke was going to try and jump him.” Lincoln pointed out, his arm wrapped around Octavia’s shoulders.

“She’ll live. Thankfully both bullets missed anything vital and the slash on her thigh just missed the artery. The real trouble is what Cage stuck her with.” Anya told them what the nurse had explained.

“When will she wake up again?” Raven asked softly.

“I… They think she’ll wake up when the anesthesia wear off but they aren’t quite sure.” Anya tried to phrase it delicately. All eyes in the room were on Lexa, who remained silent. The others trickled in and out of the room but Lexa refused to move, asking the nurses questions as they checked on Clarke every few hours. Clarke finally came too and pulled at her restraints growling and whining. She hurt all over. She needed to kill. She needed to see the blood. She needed more Red.

“Easy Clarke,” Lexa soothed, trying to calm the blonde. Clarke snarled at her and whined louder, struggling harder.

“Clarke, use your words so I can help you.” Lexa continued.

“Need...” Clarke whimpered.

“What do you need?” Lexa asked softly.

“Blood... Need to kill…” Clarke struggled to get out. Words seemed foreign to her tongue at the moment.

“No you don’t, you’re ok.” Lexa told her. Clarke shook her head quickly and pulled hard at the leather restraints holding her to the hospital bed.

“Need!” Clarke gasped as a wave of pain coursed through her.

“Ok, ok, easy Clarke. Breathe. Beja Clarke…” Lexa begged feeling completely helpless.

“Need…” Clarke whined again desperately.

“How do you need blood?” Lexa asked cautiously.

“Kill… Bleed… I need… Blood… I need to…” Clarke hissed, squirming.

“Ok...” Lexa nodded, standing and searching through the room. She found a small scalpel and brought it back, putting it in Clarke’s hand and guiding it up her arm, breaking the skin. Clarke’s eyes widened and she seemed to calm, letting the scalpel fall to the floor to run her fingers through the blood coming from the shallow wound. A nurse followed by a group of security guards rushed into the room, pulling Lexa towards the door of the room.

“Ma’am we’re going to have to ask you to stay away from this room. You can’t be giving her weapons.” A man explained. Lexa dug her heels in and they were only able to pull her halfway to the door.

“I did this to myself. She just needed to calm down.” Lexa protested as they continued trying to remove her.

“Even more reason. It’s damaging for the patient to see such a thing in her condition.” The nurse continued.

“I’m not leaving. You can’t make me, I’m an officer of the law!” Lexa snarled, fighting free. The security officers trained their guns on her in warning. Suddenly Lexa felt a warm hold wrap around her stomach and a flash of blonde.

“Mine!” Clarke growled, clinging firmly to Lexa, snarling in warning at the guards and the nurse.

“Easy Clarke, easy…” Lexa soothed, holding her close. Clarke purred before squirming in pain at her withdrawals. She whined looking up at Lexa with teary eyes.

“Ok, ok.” Lexa nodded, moving them back to the bed. Clarke reluctantly climbed back into the bed as Lexa sat back down in her chair, both of them daring the guards or nurses to try to separate them. After that, none of the hospital staff dared go near Lexa. They found Clarke to be a hard patient and were forced to let Lexa help them with her. After a few weeks Clarke was discharged and Lexa took them home.

“I’m sorry…” Clarke murmured as Lexa drove them to the apartment.

“You’re ok Clarke. That person in the court house was not you.” Lexa soothed, taking one of her hands.

“I killed them… I’m a monster… They made me a monster again… I hurt you…” Clarke whispered as Lexa parked the car.

“No.” Lexa shook her head, leading Clarke into the apartment. As soon as they were inside, Clarke clung to Lexa crying and apologizing. She was wracked with guilt. No one had pressed charges against Clarke and both Cage and Roan were safely locked away. Lexa waited for Clarke to calm again, murmuring comforts. Clarke hadn’t let any of the others near her in the hospital once she’d come back to herself.

“Clarke, everyone’s worried… They all want to see you… Raven, Anya, Octavia… Even Bellamy…” Lexa told her softly. Clarke shook her head.

“I don’t want to hurt them…” Clarke whimpered, trembling.

“You won’t Clarke… I’ll protect you. I will protect you from the world and even yourself if that’s what you need… I love you…” Lexa promised. Clarke stood on her toes, pressing a soft kiss to Lexa’s lips. Lexa smiled and returned the affection, keeping in mind Clarke’s stitches as she pulled Clarke flush against her.

“Clarke…” Lexa rumbled.

“I need you…” Clarke begged, tears still falling down her face.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asked softly, pulling away to look Clarke in the eyes.

“Beja… Please Leksa… I need you… I missed you… I still feel like a monster…” Clarke pleaded, desperation coming through her tone.

“Ok.” Lexa nodded, scooping Clarke up. The blonde did her best to wrap her legs around Lexa’s hips as she was carried to Lexa’s bedroom. The door closed and they stayed in bed until well into the next day. Lexa woke up with Clarke resting against her chest contently. She smiled at the sight, running her eyes down the naked form. They both were covered by a blanket and Lexa hummed as she traced meaningless patterns into the soft skin of Clarke’s exposed shoulder. Clarke purred at the touch as she started to wake up.

“Good morning.” Lexa smiled as she saw Clarke’s eyes open.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled sleepily, snuggling closer to Lexa.

“I love you.” Lexa told her softly.

“I love you too.” Clarke purred, moving up to kiss her again.

“Are you ok?” Lexa asked gently, she was afraid she’d hurt Clarke in the prior evenings activities.

“I’m good… I’m sooo good… You’re soo good Lex.” Clarke promised. Lexa smiled, eyeing the dark marks that had blossomed across the milky skin of Clarke’s neck.

“We should get up.” Lexa suggested, glancing at the clock. She had nowhere to go, but Lexa wasn’t one for staying in bed all day. Clarke whined in protest and yawned, staying cuddled against Lexa. Lexa sighed and picked Clarke up, bringing both of them to the bathroom. They showered together and Lexa checked on Clarke’s stitches before getting dressed on pajamas and making them something to eat. Over time, Clarke grew less and less afraid of herself and began to let the others back in, feeling comfortable enough to finally go back to the precinct with Lexa. It wasn’t long before Lexa was promoted and no one was surprised that she became the new captain of the precinct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end guys, thank you so much for reading. Stay strong, I hope you all enjoyed this story. I hope to hear from you lovely people again on other works I plan to post. Thanks as always for reading,  
> \- Avid

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed it so far I promise to update as often as possible, this is my first Fanfic so I apologize for any and all spelling or grammar errors on my part.


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